Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 24 | Book 3)

The 25th excerpt (including Prologue) from "Do You Believe in Miracles?"

Nov 15, 2024

Each Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Miracles? (book 3). I will also break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I will include writing tips. Previously, I did the same for Do You Believe in Magic? (book 1) and Do You Believe in Monsters? (book 2).

Though my series is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 — and many who are a lot older than 13 — are enjoying it.

Here is a brief synopsis of the series: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 24 of book 3. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: The company enters the catacombs deep beneath an active volcano.

CHAPTER 24 — THE CATACOMBS
Fear of heights is no fun.
But warriors like Masao had a way of making a person feel safe. However, when Zola went through the broken doorway into the interior passage, her other dreaded anxiety kicked in.
Claustrophobia.
She chided herself. The tunnel was tall and wide, and the air was breathable. There was no reason to be afraid. But the farther she moved from the doorway, the more confined she felt.
Soft hands grasped her shoulders. Purple energy flowed from Mal-Tal into her body, and it helped a lot.
“We are with you, Mistress Zola,” they said to her.
Meitei also stood nearby. “I have been told to stay by your side if you will have me.”
“I’d be honored,” Zola said.
“I will be there too,” James said. “I know a little something about mazes. Hee hee.”
“We have done well. It is possible the Niddukk does not yet know we are here,” Amanussa said. “But we will need to stay on guard and move quickly. If I can trust my memory, this passage will be easy to follow for a while. It delves far beneath the base of the volcano, but then it splits in many directions. Once that happens, the key will be to choose the correct paths.”
Amanussa led them down the passage with William and James right behind her. Masao and Lingika glided along like a pair of stealthy predators prepared to kill anything that moved. The passage dove abruptly, becoming so steep that Zola’s fear of heights kicked back in. At least there were stone steps. Without them, the tunnel could have become as slippery as a water slide. But there was no railing, making the footing treacherous. Even Blue and Killer struggled. Not surprisingly, the Felkratur had no problem at all. Their stubby toes gripped the stairs like roots in soil.
The passage took a severe bend, and when they came around the corner a small ghoul stood in their way. Blue and Killer growled. Masao bent his bow to kill it, but Amanussa told him to halt and then hushed the dogs.
“I know this one,” she said.
“We should kill it now,” Lingika said.
“Wait! Please.” Then Amanussa approached the ghoul, which had dropped to its knees and placed its gruesome face against the floor in obeisance.
“Ying?”
The ghoul looked up slowly. “Amanussa, is that you? You look so different.”
End of excerpt.

Themes: Enemy turned ally; descending into chaos; claustrophobia.

Between the lines: Can evil beings undergo transformations and join the side of good while still embracing traces of their former selves? This is a provocative question.

Perhaps another way of looking at it is that no one is 100 percent good or evil, and how you’re judged depends on whom you choose to align with more than your own specific actions.

I love this quote attributed to Stephen King:

Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty.

Might this not also apply to a former enemy? If so, imagine how deeply this could affect a character’s complexity.

Writing tips: When I’m really into a book and I’m approaching its climax, I’m as guilty as anyone of increasing my reading speed in a mad dash to find out what happens. I do my best not to skim because skimming runs the risk of missing hidden gems woven into the narrative by the author. But it can be difficult for me to read at the same speed on page 358 as I do on page 1 when I’m concentrating on the crucial opening words or conversely on the last few pages when I purposely slow way down so that I can treasure the ending.

If you flip this on its head, it becomes incumbent on the writer to simplify certain sequences so that readers don’t get ahead of themselves and then miss out on the best parts.

Here is an example lifted from today’s excerpt (with my usual caveat that paragraphs taken out of context can often seem a bit nonsensical):

The passage took a severe bend, and when they came around the corner a small ghoul stood in their way. Blue and Killer growled. Masao bent his bow to kill it, but Amanussa told him to halt and then hushed the dogs.

At this point in Do You Believe in Miracles?, the action is hot and heavy and my readers can sense they’re in the final mad dash. The short paragraph above advanced the action without forcing readers to pay close attention to every word. As you might imagine, active verbs and a few simple adjectives play crucial roles.

Writers will handle situations like this as they see fit, and you can argue there is no right or wrong way to do it. However, writers can go astray if they’re not consciously aware of their readers’ propensity to speed up when the end is near.

Past episodes of Book 3 (Do You Believe in Miracles?)

Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)

Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)

Promotional notes

Do You Believe in Magic?, book 1 of my teen fantasy adventure trilogy Dark Circles, is one of five finalists in the Fantasy and Young Adult categories of the 21st Annual "Best Book" Awards, one of the world’s largest and most-established international book award programs for mainstream, indie, and self-published titles. I am the only self-published finalist in either of my categories.

Dark Circles is appropriate for ages 13 and older, but readers as young as 10 and as old as 80 have told me they loved it — sort of like the Harry Potter series or C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia. This heartfelt coming of age saga has won thirteen international awards.

DARK CIRCLES (13 and older)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic?
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters?
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles?

All told, 27,000+ copies of books 1-3 of Dark Circles have been purchased, with an additional 113,500+ pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP).

Jim Melvin's Realms of Fantasy

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