Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 4 | Book 2)
The fifth excerpt from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"
Every Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
Earlier this month, I finished book 1 titled Do You Believe in Magic? with an excerpt from its Epilogue. I have now restarted the process with book 2. Last week, I featured Chapter 3.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming February 2024)
Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.
Here is a brief synopsis from book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 4 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: The bully Gord keeps a dark secret.
CHAPTER 4 | LOOK IN THE MIRROR
Gord? Gord??? GORD!!!
Gord sat in the school bus, his head leaning against the window. It took him a while to slog out of the deep doze he wasn’t even aware he had entered. Someone chattered at him and nudged him.
“Gord! Are you okay?”
Gord woke up enough to comprehend it was Parker who was pestering him. The boy was dull as an old butter knife, but he was sharp when it came to annoying someone.
“Parker? WHAT???”
“What’s going on with you? You’re acting weird! Now you want to be friends with Virgil and his buddies? Or maybe you’ve cooked up a plan and don’t want to let me in on it?”
Gord looked at Parker with disgust. At least when you were the leader of the bullies, you had some prestige. But being a follower made you pathetic.
“I always have a plan. But I don’t always let people like you in on it. I only clue you in if I need you to do something for me. Otherwise, shut up! And never put your hands on me again—or my newest plan will be to beat the tar out of you.”
Parker looked sincerely hurt. “How can you say that to me after all I’ve done for you? I’ve always stood by your side.”
“I didn’t see you standing by my side when Charlie’s dog was about to kill me. You were crouched on top of the monkey bars far from my side.”
“Well—”
“Well … Good response, Parker. Anyway, do you really want to know why I’m acting so ‘weird’?”
Parker looked unsure. “Yes?”
Gord chuckled. “You’re such a punk.”
“Gord!”
“What? You want to prove you’re not a punk? When we get off the bus, take your best shot.”
Parker shut his mouth.
“That’s what I thought.”
Parker looked like he might cry, which made Gord hate him even more. Gord slung his arm around him, only this time he didn’t do it gently like he had with Virgil and Charlie. He squeezed Parker so hard, his shoulders almost touched in front of his chest.
Then he mercifully let him go. Parker had a point. He had mostly stood by Gord’s side.
“Parker, Parker, Parker. What am I going to do with you now that I know what I know?”
Parker took a couple of deep breaths while flexing his sore shoulders. He sat silently, looking miserable.
“I asked you a question, Parker.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Of course you don’t. I’m Gord. You’re Parker. Gord knows things Parker doesn’t. It has always been that way, but it’s even more that way now. Much more.”
“I don’t get it.”
“No, you don’t. Nobody does. Well, almost nobody. Charlie and his buddies know some things, which is why I’m acting weird.”
“Whatever you say, Gord. You’re the boss.”
“I used to be. Not anymore. There’s a new boss. Who do you think gave me these movie-star teeth?”
End of excerpt.
Themes: Choosing a path of evil; no turning back; subservience.
Between the lines: If you make a deal with a devil, will it always turn out wrong? And if so, is there any way to redeem yourself? How much of your morality are you willing to sacrifice to achieve an impossible dream? In the figurative sense, these questions provide the fodder needed to dive deep into a character’s psyche.
Writing tips: Most authors would agree that we learn something new every time we sit down to write. Life is a whirling dervish of change, and writing is no exception. However, change doesn’t always equate with improvement, which forces us to choose new paths carefully.
I used to be the type of writer who was always in a hurry to get to the end. Not just the end of the book or story, but to the end of a chapter or even a section within a chapter. This meant that my first drafts were often sketchy and needed to be fleshed out during the revision process. But over the years, I’ve changed. Now I don’t rush things. In fact, I do the opposite. During my first draft, I write in intricate detail and then thin it out during the revision process.
This is a relatively new path for me. I hope it’s one that has led to improvement.
Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3
Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue
Promotional notes
The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.
As of Dec. 14, I’ve written about 48,000 words of the first draft of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?.
All told, more than 7,500 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with more than 30,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.
This is the first time I've self-published, so it's new to me. Kindle has plusses and minuses. It's relatively easy to get set up, and it gives you quite a bit of control over promotions, pricing, and also updates to your book/books, if needed. (So that annoying typo can be easily mended.) I think it works best for genre series fiction as opposed to standalones. The potential negatives are that you don't know what you're missing if you were also on Kobo, B/N, etc. And unless your book gains some traction, Amazon's analytics will tend to ignore it.
Kindle: your experience?