Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 14)
Another excerpt from my teen fantasy adventure 'Do You Believe in Magic?'
Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of my latest novel Do You Believe in Magic?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
Last week, I published a segment from Chapter 13. Today, I’ll continue with Chapter 14.
Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of a teen fantasy adventure series titled Dark Circles. Though it is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 are enjoying it too. But I believe adults will like this exciting adventure as much as teens.
Here is a brief synopsis: A grieving boy moves to his grandparents' farm in Upstate South Carolina where he rediscovers his passion for life in a magical world hidden deep in the forest.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 14. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: In Chapter 13, Zola and Virgil attempt to escape a besieged city that has been overrun by gigantic worm-like monsters. In Chapter 14, Charlie, Zola, and Virgil are finally reunited but must flee to Pacchann’s last bastion of safety, an island city called Shima-Shi.
CHAPTER 14 — ESCAPE TO SHIMA-SHI
Zola rushed to Charlie and hugged him.
Charlie didn’t want to let her go. A tiny part of him hadn’t entirely given up that this adventure was a dream. But if it was a dream, he didn’t want it to end during their embrace.
“Uh, are you guys going to get married or something?” It was Virgil, standing there looking annoyed but not, at least to Charlie’s perception, jealous. What a relief! He wanted to get to know Zola better, but not at Virgil’s expense.
Zola slowly pulled away and gazed into his eyes. “Where in the world have you been?”
“Where have I been? Where have you been? You’re the ones who deserted me.”
Blue trotted over and licked Zola’s face. He did the same to Virgil.
“How’d you get so big?” Virgil said to Blue. “You’re big as a horse. What’s going on?”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” Charlie said.
A bald man wearing filthy white robes emerged from the darkness and started toward Charlie. But Garrick stepped between them. “Azura,” he said intensely. “What is happening at Uxo-Ta?”
The man stopped and faced Garrick. “The Niddukk has assaulted the city, Lord Gar, in a manner never seen. The destruction is terrible. I fear many thousands have perished, including warriors. What you can see from here is the least of it. I was outmatched. If all the monks had stood by my side, we could not have prevented this. We must retreat to Shima-Shi immediately.”
Garrick looked angry—not at the Azura guy, just angry in general. “We will speak of this further in private.” He turned to the others. “You heard him. We must hurry.”
Then Garrick’s face went pale, as if he had seen a ghost. “Nobuo? Is that you?”
A male warrior, larger even than Masao, emerged from the crowd of people. “Lord Gar,” he said. The two of them clasped forearms.
“How is this possible?” Garrick said. “The Kuutar was upon us. We were overwhelmed. There was room for only one in the portal.”
Nobuo nodded. “Or so it appeared.” He gestured toward the bald man. “Azura was able to open a second portal at the last moment and rescued a few more of us. The Kuutar must still be howling.”
“And the army of monsters?” Garrick said. “What became of it?”
“It appears to have vanished,” Nobuo said. “We have seen no signs of it since. The army that assaulted Uxo-Ta was much different than the one we faced at the fortress.”
Charlie had no idea what they were talking about. He looked at Zola and shrugged.
She smiled. “We have a lot to discuss.”
“We sure do,” Virgil agreed.
Charlie nodded. “A lot has happened to me too.”
The bald man left Garrick and approached within a few steps of Charlie. “The white-haired boy,” he said to Zola and Virgil. “He has come.”
“Duh,” Virgil said.
Zola introduced them. “Charlie, this is Azura. Azura, this is Charlie. I have to warn you, Charlie, that despite Virgil’s best efforts to convince him otherwise, Azura thinks your white hair makes you special and that you’re some kind of savior.”
Azura didn’t look overly pleased by Zola’s words, but neither did he admonish her. He gave Charlie one last look and then turned away. “There is no time for chatter. We stand on the border of a massacre. We must depart quickly.”
Garrick scowled at Zola and Virgil. “Do you kids have any idea what you’re doing here?” Then he shook his head as if resigned. “Azura is right. We must leave now. There will be time for talk later if we can make it to Shima-Shi.”
End of excerpt.
Themes: Good vs. evil; flight; survival; war.
Between the lines: In the dramatic sense, impending doom is an inescapable aspect of life. Whether it’s the doom of death or the doom of an upcoming visit to the dentist, impending doom tests our mettle. But because these events usually come with some advance warning, the time leading up to them can turn into vehicles for powerful emotional growth.
Writing tips: If you do an online search asking for the typical elements that make up long-form fantasy stories, you’ll find something like this: the quest, the hero, good vs. evil, the enchanted world, the adventure, the return.
Virtually all fantasy novels contain these elements in some form. But there is plenty of variation depending on what type of fantasy you’re writing.
After changing my mind about twenty times, I’ve finally decided to label my latest series as “teen fantasy adventure.” But it could also fall under epic fantasy, portal fantasy, etc. To me, middle school fantasy is sort of an 11 to 14 age range, while I am hoping for more like 13 to 93. Sort of like what J.K. Rowling was able to pull off, only on a slightly smaller scale. 😀
Here is my quick breakdown of typical fantasy elements:
The quest often starts the story like it did in Lord of the Rings. In my case, the quest ends my series. Regardless of when they occur—beginning, middle, end, or throughout the entire narrative—quests always have a specific mission that appears next to impossible to successfully complete. But they play a determinative role by encouraging your readers to form an intimate relationship with your characters. Courage, cowardice, sacrifice, selfishness, ingenuity, ineptness, strength, and weakness are all on grand display during the quest.
The hero can be anything from a god-like being to a gritty rascal who is unwittingly thrust into the role of good guy. Some fantasy tales will have one main hero and a few lesser ones, while other stories will have multiple heroes competing for the top spot depending on where the plot lines take them.
Good vs. evil can be black and white, as in the good guys are really good and the bad guys are really bad. Or it can be gray, as in the good guys have bad traits and vice versa. Reader preference on this varies. Personally, I enjoy both as long as the story is entertaining and enlightening. However, the author should choose one or the other.
The enchanted world is where the oft-used compound noun “world-building” leaps to the forefront. The enchanted world can be a wonder of marvels and magic. Or it can be a flawed place of hidden secrets and filthy basements. (Or hidden basements and filthy secrets.) It can look like an episode out of Star Wars or like something in a historical novel. Regardless, most worlds will contain some degree of magic—and keep in mind readers will usually buy into it as long as you’re consistent.
The adventure is the most loosely defined element, and this is where an author’s imagination is truly tested. But there are some commonalities.
The events that make up an adventure almost always happen outside the course of the characters’ ordinary lives.
Adventures most often contain some level of danger.
Adventures usually involve a lot of physical action, such as tromping all over the place on foot.
The return is where your characters—and your readers—get to take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy the fruits of their labors. Most things get wrapped up and the tension dissolves. In longer series, especially, the return is a must-have. Everyone has earned it, even the author.
COVER REVEAL!
Book 2 of my teen adventure fantasy series Dark Circles will debut on Oct. 30 but will be available via discounted preorder for subscribers of Jim Melvin’s Realms of Fantasy on Oct. 23-29. Here is the cover reveal for Do You Believe in Monsters?. I’d love to hear what you think of it!
Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1. It debuted on May 25.
Book 3 will be titled Do You Believe in Miracles? and will debut in February 2024.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (preorder Oct. 23; live Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming February 2024)
Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13
Thanks Daniel! The full chapters, of course, have a lot more detail. But at least it's a taste.
Thanks, Alexander! Yes, it is Inkarnate. I think the map turned out pretty well.