Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 3)
Stretching limits, overcoming fears, making new discoveries
Every Friday, I’m going to send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of my latest novel Do You Believe in Magic?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
Last week, I published a segment from Chapter 2. Today, I’ll continue with Chapter 3.
Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of a middle-grade portal/epic fantasy series titled Dark Circles. Though it is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 are enjoying it too. But I believe adults will like this exciting adventure as much as teens.
Here is a brief synopsis: A grieving boy moves to his grandparents' farm in Upstate South Carolina where he rediscovers his passion for life in a magical world hidden deep in the forest.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 3. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
CHAPTER 3 — THE WATERFALL
Time flies when you’re having fun.
Charlie’s first week at his grandparents’ house passed quickly. He asked his mom if he could bring a lunch so that he and Blue could venture even farther down the creek. In previous days, hunger limited the extent of his journeys.
Charlie wanted to see what lay beyond. His mom was dubious, but Poppy came to his rescue, putting his hand on his mom’s slim shoulder and saying, “Don’t underestimate your boy. Charlie is more than he seems. Besides, he’s got to take a few risks, or he’ll never become the man he’s meant to be.”
Thankfully, his mom gave in.
Mawmaw cheerfully made him a nice lunch: a ham and cheese sandwich with yellow mustard, a bag of potato chips, an apple, baby carrots neatly arranged in a plastic container, a big chocolate brownie, and two bottled waters. She added a separate plastic zip bag stuffed with dog biscuits. All was carefully stowed in a backpack. Charlie was ready to take on the world.
It was a gorgeous morning, the kind that approached perfection. There was a touch of coolness in the air that was not common in Florida’s late summers. He knew it would warm up fast and get about as hot as Florida did, but for now he enjoyed the brisk feel. The air was engorged with oxygen—courtesy of the generous trees—and smelled like freshly mown grass. Charlie walked down the path toward the creek “with a bounce in his step.” He was happier than he had been in a long time. This was going to be his first daylong adventure all on his own. He planned on walking a long way. Not a hundred miles, but four or five.
Blue was especially animated as if also in the mood to explore. The Lab trotted alongside like a prancing pony.
Blue dove into the swimming hole, oblivious to the slight chill in the water and air. Charlie sat on the bank and watched him perform his usual antics, pawing at minnows until he became so tired he had to stop and take a long, lapping drink.
Charlie watched his dog—yes, his dog—for about fifteen minutes. Then his eagerness got the best of him. He started along the creek, following the same path he had walked several times already. Blue cheerfully joined him, and the boy and his dog took their time, enjoying the sights and sounds of the forest. Per usual, there were squirrels everywhere, but he also saw turtles and frogs, a family of raccoons, a fat groundhog, a hawk and a woodpecker perched within ten feet of each other on the gnarled branches of a snag, and too many other species of birds to keep count.
Then something incredible happened—or incredible, at least, to a boy raised in the suburbs of a sizable city. Blue froze and stared into the trees, and when Charlie turned to see what was going on, his mouth opened wide. A white-tailed deer, weighing fully 300 pounds, stood within a stone’s throw, looking more curious than frightened, despite Blue’s presence. Perhaps the enormous buck knew it could easily outrun the canine through a thicket of root-snarled woods. Or more likely, Charlie believed, he could sense that Blue had no desire to harm him. The deer watched Charlie and Blue for a minute before nonchalantly trotting into the trees. Charlie got one last glimpse of his reddish-brown coat and white tail before he disappeared.
“Did you see that?” Charlie said, his voice so low it was nearly a whisper.
Blue yipped once. Charlie knew that this meant “yes” in dog speech.
Not long after, Charlie reached the portion of the creek that was as far as he and Blue had previously ventured—or at least as far as Charlie had gone. Everything beyond was uncharted territory to him. One reason he stopped here before was because the creek bent sharply to the left and spilled into a dense portion of the forest. Even in the late morning on a sunny day, the canopy that loomed before him cast dappled shadows. Sudden trepidation slinked into him. Maybe his plan of going on a long hike wasn’t such a good idea. He wished his mom was with him. The two of them—with Blue at their sides—could bravely keep going. Sensing his master’s hesitation, Blue tilted his colossal head.
“Kinda scary, huh?” Charlie said.
Blue yipped twice. This meant “no.” ………..
End of excerpt
Here is my author’s breakdown of the opening of Chapter 3.
Context: Charlie’s first days at his new home turn out to be more fun than expected. He and his dog Blue have already bonded, and they’ve spent every day exploring his grandfather’s land near his house. In Chapter 3, Charlie decides to go deeper into the forest on his longest hike yet.
Themes: A boy and his dog; fear of the unknown; discovering inner courage.
Between the lines: Much like a dense forest snarled with thick bushes and thorny vines, life offers its own entanglements. You can find a way around most of them, but sometimes you’re given no choice but to plow straight through. Magical rewards await those with the courage to delve deep into the forest of your mind.
Writing tips:
In an earlier tip, I mentioned that it’s important to establish your themes—at least to some degree—before you begin to write. I argued that themes are one of the key inspirations of symbols. Here’s something else to consider: Characters can also be symbols. In my Dark Circles series, Charlie symbolizes the capacity of human beings to discover hidden courage, while Charlie’s dog symbolizes the hidden courage itself. It’s not a coincidence that the boy and his dog both have white hair and blue eyes.
I try to aim for a 70-30 split in terms of active versus passive voice. One way to achieve this during the revision process is to do a search for the word “by.” He was attacked by the bear becomes The bear attacked him. In a long narrative, you can eliminate dozens of passive sentences with this one simple trick—unless you’re one of the brilliant ones who rarely writes passive sentences to begin with. (Jealous.)
Previous segments: Prologue. Chapter 1. Chapter 2.
More about the series: I began writing book 2 of my Dark Circles series on May 21 of this year. I finished the first draft last night. 105,000 words.Yayyy! Now comes the tedious (but in some ways less mind-draining) revision process. I am aiming to publish Do You Believe in Monsters? by the end of September 2023. The new cover is almost ready to go and is very cool.
Promotional note: Do You Believe in Magic? is similar to the Harry Potter series in that it can be enjoyed by readers of all ages. Adult relatives of a young but avid reader contacted me recently to let me know he is reading and enjoying my book. They even sent me a photo! It’s heartwarming to know there are still a lot of young people out there who love to read.
Yes, that's a good way to put it! I was thinking more that it was a symbol of how large and powerful hidden courage can be once you discover it and put it into action.
Really enjoying the writing tips. Thank you!