Every Friday, I’m going to send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of my latest novel Do You Believe in Magic?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
Last week, I published a segment from Chapter 1. Today, I’ll continue with Chapter 2.
.Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of a middle-grade portal/epic fantasy series titled Dark Circles. It is appropriate for ages 13 and older. But I believe adults will enjoy this exciting adventure as much as teens.
Here is a brief synopsis: A grieving boy moves to his grandparents' farm in Upstate South Carolina where he rediscovers his passion for life in a magical world hidden deep in the forest.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
CHAPTER 2 — A DOG NAMED BLUE
Charlie’s weariness overrode his hunger.
He barely remembered going inside, getting his pajamas out of a suitcase, brushing his teeth, and climbing into a soft double bed in an upstairs bedroom. He woke in the middle of the night and bolted upright, feeling as if he had ventured into a world as foreign as Middle Earth. It took him longer than it should have to regain his bearings and figure out where he was. He got up and went to the bathroom, then crawled back into bed and fell into another deep slumber that wasn’t disturbed until his mom came in and kissed him on the cheek at 11 the next morning. Except for the one interruption, he slept for nearly 12 hours.
“Come down and have some breakfast, young man,” his mom said. Charlie was glad to see that she looked rested. The ordeal of the drive was over. The next ordeal on the agenda? Starting a new life in Lowery, South Carolina.
“I am hungry,” Charlie admitted.
His mom kissed him on the cheek again. He could smell coffee on her breath. It wasn’t unpleasant. “I can imagine. Well, you’ve come to the right place because Mawmaw has been busy in the kitchen this morning—and she saved some food for you.”
Charlie got up, put on jeans and a T-shirt, and padded to the bathroom in bare feet. He brushed his white-blond hair, splashed some water on his face, and headed downstairs. The stairwell was made of deep-brown wood polished to a shiny finish, and the sweaty bottoms of Charlie’s feet stuck to it like wet rubber. Halfway down, he switched directions and raced back to his room to see if he could find his slippers, remembering that Poppy frowned on bare feet inside his house. His grandfather tolerated socks and liked slippers even better. But bare feet were a no-no.
Charlie found his slippers and headed back downstairs. He entered the foyer at the bottom of the stairs, turned left, and walked into the dining room where he saw something that made him stop and chuckle. Tucked into the far corner of the room was his mom’s famous tuft of pampas grass, minus the spider. Somehow, here, it fit.
Charlie continued into the expansive kitchen. The glorious aromas of fried bacon and pancake syrup grew stronger with each step. Poppy and his mom sat at a small table in the corner drinking coffee. But before either of them could acknowledge him, a sweet-smelling mountain of flesh engulfed Charlie. Mawmaw, though only 5 feet 2, had to weigh more than 300 pounds. As large as her body was, her enthusiasm for life was even larger. Charlie adored her, as did almost anyone who met her. But being hugged by her was an experience that had plusses and minuses. One minus was that you couldn’t breathe.
“Charlie, my baby!” Mawmaw said, her voice as loud as a scream. “I’ve missed you so much. I haven’t seen you in forever.” (Forever sounded like four-ev-uh.)
Mawmaw let him go so that he could breathe again. A few seconds later, he could even talk. “You saw me last night, Mawmaw.”
“But this time you’re awake,” Mawmaw said before bursting into laughter. Everyone laughed along with her. Mawmaw and laughter went together like bacon and eggs. “Sit down with your Mommy and Poppy and have yourself some of Mawmaw’s good cookin’. You need to put meat on those bones.”
“I am hungry,” Charlie repeated.
“Of course you are, darlin’.”
Charlie sat in a chair between Poppy and his mom. His grandfather looked at him sternly, but Charlie knew not to take it too seriously. Poppy wasn’t an “emotional man,” as his mom so often reminded him, but he was a “good man,” as opposed to Charlie’s father, he presumed.
Mawmaw plopped a heaping plate on the table so hard it made a slapping sound. And heaping was an understatement: scrambled eggs slathered with melted cheese, five strips of bacon, a stack of pancakes with real butter and lots of syrup, and—comically—four green grapes and one strawberry.
“Looks great, Mawmaw. But I can’t eat all that.”
“Nonsense. If a tiny woman like me can eat it, then a strapping young man like you certainly can.”
Charlie looked at his mom for help, but she only winked.
“If you can’t eat it all, I know someone who’ll be glad to finish it for you,” Poppy said in his Southern drawl. “I’d like you to meet him when you’re finished with breakfast.” ……….
End of excerpt
Here is my author’s breakdown of the opening of Chapter 2.
More about the series: Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of my middle-grade portal fantasy series titled Dark Circles. Book 2 is called Do You Believe in Monsters?, which I hope to publish by the end of September 2023. Book 3 will be called Do You Believe in Miracles? My aim is to publish this book by the end of January 2024. Will there be more in this series after book 3? That remains to be seen.
Context: Charlie and his mom have arrived at his grandparents’ home on 100 acres of forested land in rural Upstate South Carolina. Charlie’s grandfather has a surprise waiting for him.
Conflict: Confronting the unknown; overcoming anxiety; suspecting that something larger than life is looming.
Themes: A boy and his dog; adjusting to new surroundings; finding happiness where you least expect it.
Between the lines: Life is a rollercoaster of good times and bad, joy and sorrow, peace and chaos. Free will is both a blessing and a curse. We never know what we’ll find around the next corner. Essentials such as sleep and food refuel your batteries. Unexpected friendships provide joy. Happiness is a requirement of peace.
Writing tips:
This excerpt from Chapter 2 is about one fourth of the length of the entire chapter. But as you can tell from the excerpt, Charlie’s actions and movements are often told in intricate detail—where he walks, sits, and eats. And the narrative also delves deep into his thoughts. Writers use these techniques to encourage readers to get to know their characters. In real life, every step you take is a small one. You don’t go to bed at night and wake up in the morning three years later.
Whether you’re the world’s most precise outliner or the most carefree pantster, there is at least one thing you must do before you write your first sentence—establish your themes. Your themes will then clarify your symbols. For instance, if your main theme is that your protagonist feels trapped in his or her life, this will inspire your symbols—spiderwebs, locked doors, traffic jams, etc.
Previous segments: Prologue. Chapter 1.
Promotional notes: As of July 13, 2023, I’ve written 96,000 words of the first draft of Do You Believe in Monsters? I’m guessing the first draft will end up about 110K and that I should reach this mark in two weeks. But by the time I finish the final revisions of the book a couple of months from now, it will most likely shrink back to around 90K. … About 200 people have purchased book 1 since May 25, a disappointing number but not terrible, I guess. It is a large enough sample size, however, for me to have learned a few things. One is that very few people leave reviews. This might be because people tend to load up on ebooks they find interesting and save them for rainy days somewhere down the road. I know I’ve read ebooks that I purchased months ago and just now finally got around to reading. … Another interesting note is that I have pitched this series for readers 13 and older feeling a bit uneasy that maybe it’s more appropriate for, say, 15 and older. However, thus far the opposite has been true. I’ve had several readers tell me that their nine-year-olds have read it, enjoyed it, and apparently were done no harm. So … there you go.
Hi Zane!
Yes, if you think of your themes as driving your symbols, it makes it much easier to weave the symbols between the lines without hitting the reader over the head.
Thanks so much for reading Do You Believe in Magic? and for leaving a review! That is awesome. I'm going to return the favor and start reading your serialized novel! I'm sorry that I haven't to this point.
And yes, I'm a huge Stephen Donaldson fan. I rank him in the top 5 fantasy authors. His writing is beyond extraordinary.
I really like that idea of themes defining symbols. I'm a recovering panster going serialising the heavy rewrite of my nanowrimo 50k outline and I'm still discovering the story and its themes. But thinking of the symbols as I go through a third time to make it a novel I think will really help make it that bit more concrete.
I've finished Do You Believe in Magic? and thoroughly enjoyed it, and despite it not being aimed at me I was excited each night to read it. There's something about the world that's really intriguing, and the level (for teens) is easy to read for a tired parent mind too! I realised in reading it that my teenage favourite Thomas Covenant Chronicles is also portal fiction. Hadn't clicked on that until I read your book. Seems I like the genre. :)
Eagerly awaiting Book 2. And heading over to Amazon now to leave a review.