Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 1)
An old pickup, a jammed highway, a tuft of pampas grass, a spider
Every Friday, I’m going to send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of my latest novel Do You Believe in Magic?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
Last week, I published a segment from the Prologue. Today, I’ll continue with Chapter 1.
Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of a middle-grade portal/epic fantasy series titled Dark Circles. It is appropriate for ages 13 and older. But I believe adults will enjoy this exciting adventure as much as teens.
Here is a brief synopsis: A grieving boy moves to his grandparents' farm in Upstate South Carolina where he rediscovers his passion for life in a magical world hidden deep in the forest.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 1. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
CHAPTER 1 | Goodbye Florida, Hello South Carolina
The road was endless.
Or at least it felt that way to Charlie Magus as he dozed fitfully in the front seat of his mom’s rickety Toyota pickup, lulled by the bumpy rumbling of rubber on cement.
A tuft of pampas grass—still his mother’s favorite living-room decoration despite being filthy and tattered—dangled over his seat and tickled his nose no matter how many times he brushed it away. Even worse, a tiny spider clung stubbornly to one of its strands, adding to Charlie’s misery. He heard his mom giggle, which yanked him back to a world where people were awake.
“It’s not funny, mom,” Charlie said, sounding appropriately grumpy for a 13-year-old having to share the claustrophobic cab of a small truck with boxes, lamps, books, and yes, pampas grass teeming with deadly spiders. “Can’t we just hurl the stupid thing out the window?”
“Charlie, this was a gift to me from Poppy and Mawmaw before you were even born. When we move in with your grandparents, they’ll appreciate that I’ve kept it all these years. They’re doing us a big favor, young man. They have earned our gratitude and respect.”
“But it’s all dusty,” Charlie said, and then—predictably—sneezed. At least it was a for-real sneeze.
“We can’t shake out the dust because every time we so much as touch it, more of the hairs fall out,” his mother lectured.
This was not a new argument. Charlie decided to “get while the getting was good”—as his dad used to say, back when his dad was still around—and wisely changed the subject. “I’m hungry.”
“Already?”
“And thirsty.”
“It’s not even noon yet.”
“Not even noon? Mom, we left St. Pete at 8 this morning.”
“Have an apple.”
“Mom!”
“Okay, we’ll reach Lake City in a few minutes. There’s a Steak ’n Shake. Your favorite.”
The thought of a double hamburger with extra ketchup and a chocolate milkshake with extra whipped cream cheered up Charlie instantly. They were less than 200 miles into a 600-mile journey, but right now all that mattered to him was food. ……….
End of excerpt
Here is my author’s breakdown of the opening of Chapter 1 of Do You Believe in Magic?:
More about the series: If you’re wondering why the series is called Dark Circles, the answer might be more specific than you were expecting. Dark Circles is a portal fantasy in which Charlie leaves the real world and enters a fantasy world filled with monsters and magic. In the fantasy world, Charlie transforms from a nerdy teen picked on by schoolyard bullies into a formidable wizard capable of standing face to face with hideous creatures. However, the newfound power makes him a target of a supernatural henchman who attacks Charlie in his dreams. Therefore, Charlie is forced to go long stretches without sleep, and when he returns to the real world, he has dark circles beneath his eyes.
Context: Thirteen-year-old Charlie Magus and his mother have been abandoned by Charlie’s father, who disappeared with the family’s meager life savings. Charlie and his mom are forced to leave their home in Florida and move in with his grandparents in a small town in Upstate South Carolina. Against Charlie’s wishes, he has to trade beaches for mountains, palm trees for oaks.
Conflict: Young teen forced to leave a home he loves for one he finds strange and depressing; anxiety caused by eerie moments; impending danger.
Themes: Abandonment; bullying; a sense of the surreal.
Between the lines: Circles are a major symbolic element throughout the series. As a reader, you’ll find circles almost everywhere within the text. Adventures, quests, settings, cities, even things as simple as the trunks of trees and the shapes of spiderwebs are circular. Hidden between the lines are hundreds of examples of this.
Writing tips:
I begin every chapter with a short sentence. Each of these short sentences summarizes the overall theme of the chapter. This might seem like a small thing, and taken by itself it is. But when you purposely use lots of tricks like this, they add up in the reader’s subconsciousness and create a sense that something larger is taking place beneath the surface. I’ll discuss more of these tricks in future posts.
Speaking of purposely using tricks, keep in mind that a writer’s focus—especially in the latter drafts of the revision process—should be on doing things on purpose. For example, my brief description of the pampas grass and the spider will form the basis of a crucial scene in book 2. There are other examples of this in the full version of Chapter 1. But to read those, you’ll have to buy the book. 😀
Previous segments: The Prologue
Promotional note: Reviews are the lifeblood of a writer’s push for success, especially when it comes to self-publishing. Already, several of my Substack subscribers have been kind enough to leave a review for Do You Believe in Magic?. If the mood strikes, please leave a review. Even a rating by itself is immensely valuable.
I like your tip about starting with a single line, and how it easily grips the reader and draws them along. Last lines of chapters also work well this way! (I don't do it every time, however, for variety).
It is interesting right away, Jim. I'm not used to breaking down the process so strategically. Intro'ing the characters and the open-endedness of the situation pulls me right in to the 'what's next.' I'm just observing this and it's helpful.