Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 13)

Another excerpt from my teen fantasy adventure 'Do You Believe in Magic?'

Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of my latest novel Do You Believe in Magic?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

Last week, I published a segment from Chapter 12. Today, I’ll continue with Chapter 13.

Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of a teen fantasy series titled Dark Circles. Though it is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 are enjoying it too. But I believe adults will like this exciting adventure as much as teens.

Here is a brief synopsis: A grieving boy moves to his grandparents' farm in Upstate South Carolina where he rediscovers his passion for life in a magical world hidden deep in the forest.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 13. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: In Chapter 12, Zola and Virgil sailed across the ocean on an exotic vessel in an attempt to reach the safety of a coastal city. In Chapter 13, Zola and Virgil attempt to escape the city, which has been overrun by gigantic worm-like monsters.

CHAPTER 13 — FIST OF FURY

Disturbing images haunted Zola’s dreams again.

But when she woke, she retained only fuzzy memories of them. In each, a door was involved—and someone or something was on the other side, wanting to come in. Sometimes, she heard knocking. Other times, pounding. Tapping. Scratching. Clawing. She didn’t open any of the doors. Even in her cloudy awareness, she knew this wouldn’t be wise. The doors, while closed and latched, kept her safe. If opened? She preferred not to dwell on it.

Virgil remained asleep at her side, and per usual was snoring. Lingika sat cross-legged a few feet away, her eyes closed. At first Zola believed the warrior was meditating, but she realized Lingika had fallen asleep too. Zola wasn’t sure what to do about that, so she cleared her throat.

Lingika leaped to her feet, her hand going to the hilt of her sword. Her brown cheeks darkened further. The warrior was obviously ashamed.

“I am sorry, Mistress. I have failed you.”

Zola chuckled. “Everything’s fine. You haven’t failed me.”

Lingika lowered her head, causing her shoulder-length black hair to fall over her face. “Azura will be angry with me.”

Zola stood and stretched. “Who cares? And besides, it’s our secret.”

Lingika looked up, her expression hopeful. “You would do this for me, Mistress?”

“After everything you’ve done for us? Of course! We owe you a lot more than that. Besides, it’s good you got a little sleep too. Like we say in Lowery, ‘no harm, no foul.’”

Lingika smiled. “I have heard Lord Gar say those words. Their meaning is unclear. Certain things in your language are simple, others are not.”

“It means nothing bad happened so why worry about it.” Zola stretched again. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“The sun has not yet risen.”

“It hasn’t set, you mean?”

“Mistress?”

“I haven’t been sleeping that long.”

“I am sorry, Mistress. But you slept from early afternoon through most of the night.”

Now Virgil was stirring. “How could you know we slept that long?’ he said groggily. “Down here, there’s no night or day.”

This seemed to insult Lingika. “I am Yodhin. A warrior knows, Lord Virgil.”

This satisfied Virgil, but Zola didn’t have the energy to argue either way. Instead, she asked, “Is there any news from above?”

As if in response, another disturbing boom shook the bedrock.

“I have had no contact with anyone on the surface,” Lingika said. “But as was just made clear, the explosions have not stopped. I do not believe the ‘news’ can be very good. I fear much of Uxo-Ta already lies in ruin.”

Zola shuddered. “What about Azura and Nobuo? Have they come below?”

“There has been no sign of either. Few have entered the catacombs since we did.” Lingika looked at Virgil. “I know this because those who have been guarding the doors have informed me.”

Virgil ignored the jibe. His mind had already gone elsewhere. “I’m hungry,” he proclaimed.

Despite all her worries, Zola had to smile. “What took you so long, doofus?”

Lingika brought them more dried meat and cheese. Virgil devoured his serving before Zola was a third of the way through hers, and she had to swat his rock-like hand away when he tried to steal some. Lingika brought Virgil more cheese, but nothing else. They drank water with their meal.

The booming was sporadic. Just when Zola thought it had stopped for good, there would be two or three enormous explosions that made her wonder if the ceiling of the chamber might tumble down and crush them. This revived her claustrophobia. She didn’t know which was worse: her fear of the worm monsters or her fear of tight places.

Zola couldn’t think of anything else to do, so she lay back down on the blanket and closed her eyes, hoping this might ease her anxiety. Despite having slept for about 16 straight hours (if Lingika was to be believed), Zola grew sleepy again. She wasn’t sure how much time passed before a jarring commotion brought her back to her senses. Suddenly she was being lifted to her feet—by Nobuo. The warrior’s face was smeared with soot and singed in places, and his eyes were bloodshot and frantic. 

“We must flee!” he said, his voice echoing in the small chamber.

“What? Huh?”

Azura was there too, and he looked even worse for wear than Nobuo. “There is no time for chatter!”

An explosion far louder than any before rocked the room and shook the floor, causing Zola to stagger. Nobuo grabbed her by the arm and dragged her down another narrow hallway. They moved fast. She could barely see her own hands in front of her face.

The next blast scared her worse than any of the previous ones. Zola sensed rather than saw a portion of the hallway collapse behind her. Screams tore at her back. People were dying, and she could die as easily as anyone else. Her senses returned to hyper-alert, and though she couldn’t see much of anything, she no longer felt blind.

They raced out of the hallway into a dusty chamber lit by torches but still mostly dark.

“This is gross,” she heard Virgil say.

Another explosion pounded the stone like a sledgehammer. Chunks of rock fell from the ceiling, and Zola heard more screams and cries of pain. Nobuo’s grip on her arm tightened. He led her across the crumbled floor toward yet another narrow hallway. She had no desire to enter it, but what choice did she have? If they stayed here any longer, they were goners. Flight was their only hope.

End of excerpt.

Themes: Fight or flight; claustrophobia; what lies beneath the surface.

Between the lines: When your characters go underground, they don’t do it only in the literal sense. In the figurative sense, going underground can symbolize facing fears or desires that have been suppressed. Or it can represent self-exploration that can be profoundly life-altering.

Writing tips: Books don’t have big screens or sophisticated sound systems. So when you are writing scenes that involve chaotic action, loud booms, and earthquake-like destruction, how do you convey this to a reader? One way is to read every book written by Stephen King about ten times each. 🤣 But if you don’t have time to do that, here are a few suggestions:

1. Show, don’t tell. I know, I know. Everyone says this. But when it comes to action scenes, truer words were never spoken. Though ironic, it’s not necessarily a bad idea to describe an action scene the way you would see it in a movie—the ultimate show, don’t tell.

2. It’s all in the details. If a pile of jagged rocks comes crashing down upon you, thudding and booming like an angry thunderstorm … well, you get the picture. For that paragraph at least, you can then slow things down and allow your characters to dig themselves out of the wreckage. And of course, even the wreckage will be loaded with details.

3. Know where your characters are and what they are doing. Don’t lose track! If your characters are being chased down a flight of stairs, describe them screaming, slipping, tripping, gasping. Are their throats dry? Are their thighs burning? Start at the top of the stairs and follow them all the way down to wherever they’re going.

4. Make certain your readers are aware what’s at stake. One false step and your MC will fall thousands of feet to his death. The building is on fire but the main door is blocked. Hoist a chair and heave it out a window. And don’t forget the broken glass.

5. Don’t leave out emotions. Being in a scary situation is, well, scary. Describe the terror with both mental and physical cues. Here’s an example from the above excerpt:

More about the series: The cover of book 2 is complete. Above is a sneak peek. I will reveal the completed cover and back page next Friday. I’m also almost finished with book 2. I have three pro editors tackling it for me.

Book 3’s cover is up next and is almost finished.

DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (preorder Oct. 23; live Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming February 2024)

Please watch my promotional video.

Promotional notes: Book 2 titled Do You Believe in Monsters? will be available for preorder to my subscribers from Oct. 23-29 at a discounted price of 99 cents (ebook). It will go live to the general public on Oct. 30 for $3.99. From Oct. 30-Nov. 3, the ebook version of Do You Believe in Magic? (book 1) will be free. So if you’re interested, you should purchase book 2 during the week of Oct. 23 and then book 1 during the week of Oct. 30. If I’ve confused the heck out of you, not to worry! I will post updates on this closer to the actual dates.

Past episodes

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12