Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 9)
Another excerpt from my teen fantasy adventure 'Do You Believe in Magic?'
Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of my latest novel Do You Believe in Magic?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
Last week, I published a segment from Chapter 8. Today, I’ll continue with Chapter 9.
Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of a teen epic fantasy series titled Dark Circles. Though it is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 are enjoying it too. But I believe adults will like this exciting adventure as much as teens.
Here is a brief synopsis: A grieving boy moves to his grandparents' farm in Upstate South Carolina where he rediscovers his passion for life in a magical world hidden deep in the forest.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 9. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: In Chapters 7 and 8, Zola and Virgil enter a fantasy land and embark on a wild adventure during which they are separated from Charlie. In today’s Chapter 9, Charlie’s adventure begins.
CHAPTER 9 — CHARLIE THE UNBELIEVER
Charlie couldn’t breathe.
He lay face-first on the white sand, temporarily paralyzed. But he was more surprised than hurt.
He did a half pushup, spun around awkwardly, and settled on his butt. Then he took a deep breath and began to brush sand off his face and spit grit out of his mouth. He had fallen so hard—or more accurately, had been shoved down so hard—it astonished him that his nose wasn’t broken. Or maybe it was broken, and it was just numb. He rubbed his nostrils with the palm of his hand. No blood. Not much pain. Good.
While attempting to regain his wits, he was forced to flinch and cover his head. A large object flew over him, missing him by inches. It resembled a flying porcupine curled in a ball.
“Huh?”
Charlie stood, shook more sand out of his hair, and brushed off his T-shirt and shorts. He turned to look back at the tunnel, only to see it had vanished. There wasn’t even a rock wall anymore, only a thick patch of tall grass. How was that possible? He started toward the grass to investigate this perplexing development when another ball bounded past him. Four more. Five. A dozen. They bounced off the sand, flew about twenty feet, and then bounced again. Was a tornado propelling these things? If so, there was no sign of one. The sky was clear and the wind relatively mild.
Charlie scanned his surroundings. The beach rose steadily from the ocean toward a golden sea of grass. But not ordinary grass. Bamboo? No, that wasn’t right. Then it dawned on him. A curtain of pampas grass lined the beach. Where was he? One minute he had been crawling through the cave, and the next—
The balls continued to bounce past him. Was he dreaming?
“I am dreaming,” he said out loud. This relaxed him.
Of course he was dreaming.
Puzzling noises distracted Charlie, and he turned slowly toward the commotion. Another ball bounced right over his head. At almost the same time, a goat-like creature with green horns sprinted past him, its eyes filled with terror.
Charlie could see for about a quarter mile down the beach before it veered sharply to his left and curved out of sight behind the pampas. The balls came from around that bend, and a variety of colorful animals joined them, some of which were normal-looking and others that resembled something out of a Harry Potter movie. Now Charlie knew he was dreaming. What else could explain it? Just imagining he had crawled through a cave in Upstate South Carolina and ended up on a beach that appeared to be somewhere in the Bahamas was proof enough. But when a blue-striped tiger with yellow fangs ran past him, looking every bit as terrified as the goat, it sealed the deal.
Charlie smiled. “This is kind of fun,” he said out loud, his voice light and yet still bemused.
The next thing he saw among the ever-growing menagerie did more than bemuse him—it frightened him. Several panicked people charged around the bend in full flight, including an elderly couple led by a boy who was younger than Charlie. The boy ran faster than the adults, and he was screaming.
Charlie took a couple of steps back as if to distance himself from such extreme anguish.
Strange creatures outpaced the people: purple horses; more of the odd goats; a blue man fully ten feet tall carrying a tiny woman about the size of a toddler; and of course, hundreds of bouncing balls. But neither the people nor the other strange animals were in any mood to stop and say hello. They raced past Charlie, spraying sand behind them like the wake of a boat. Charlie was too dumbfounded to move. A black-haired man—thick and muscled but not much taller than Charlie—yelled something at him in a foreign language.
It sounded like curro.
Charlie had a feeling he knew what the man meant, even if he didn’t comprehend the actual word. But this was a dream, so why should he run? It wasn’t like he could get hurt. Still, he was scared. His dream had morphed into a nightmare, and he wished he could wake up.
The boy ran past, followed by the two old people. The woman held the man’s arm and tried her best to help him run. Both limped and wheezed.
Charlie still couldn’t make out what was causing all the commotion, but he could see large birds—at least they looked like birds—flying in circles above something on the beach that remained obscured by the tall grass. The birds continually dove out of sight, and then rose again, making terrible noises. Occasionally, one did not come back up. The spectacle entranced Charlie, but not in a good way. Dream or no dream, he questioned if it might not be best for him to run too. He could follow the people. At least they seemed to know where they were going. Maybe it would be to a more comforting place than where he was now.
Charlie saw other people come around the bend, only they appeared, even from a distance, to be bigger than the first ones. They wore black clothing and carried swords and crossbows.
Dream warriors, he presumed.
The warriors fought the birds, which swooped down on them with hooked beaks and sharp talons. If it had been a scene in a movie, Charlie would have loved it. He was an avid fan of fantasy and had spent hundreds of hours reading about all things medieval. But seeing it for real—well, at least in a dream that felt real—wasn’t fun. A warrior was plucked off the ground and lifted high in the air. The bird-things then attacked en masse and—
End of excerpt ………
Themes: Overcoming disbelief; the power of imaginary terror; reality within dreams.
Between the lines: Narrative writing has many similarities to music. The flow and tempo of a piece of music is what makes it feel alive and exciting. The same goes for your writing. Much like a song, writing has melodies (your voice speaking silently in your mind) and rhythm (sentences that are long, short, smooth, staccato). And both music and writing tell stories., evoke emotions, and bring tears to your eyes. This is probably a big reason why so many authors love to listen to music while they write.
Writing tips: Characters in fantasy stories (as well as many other genres) often begin their journey in a state of disbelief. In Do You Believe in Magic?, our hero Charlie passes through a portal into a fantasy world filled with monsters and magic. As you might imagine, Charlie can’t believe what he’s seeing.
Ironically, it’s the writer’s duty to make the disbelief—and eventual journey to belief—well, believable. In Charlie’s case, he makes an instant assumption that he’s dreaming, and he clings desperately to this for about 50 pages.
How does a writer make something like this believable? Two things must work in concert: patience and consistency. There’s no quick fix. The character has to ease into it through a series of well-timed and in-depth scenes.
Yes? No.
Yes? No.
Yes. No?
Yes! 😀
(And of course, if the author wants to really mess with you, he or she will keep the reader guessing whether it’s reality or a dream.)
More about the series: The cover of book 2 is complete—and I love it! Here is a sneak peak. Book 3’s cover is up next, though I won’t be needing it for a while. I am currently halfway through the revision process of book 2.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (coming this October)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming February 2024)
Promotional notes: Do You Believe in Magic? is currently on promotion. The ebook has been discounted to 99 cents. The paperback has been discounted to $8.99.
Past episodes
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8
Thank you!!! Is there a favor I can return?
Hi Daniel. Thanks for the comments!!!
It's funny you would say that about the Thomas Covenant series. I do think Covenant's stubborness became annoying, which is a shame because it was otherwise a fabulous series by an acclaimed master.
I was determined to turn Charlie into a full-blown "believer" about two-thirds of the way into book 1. I didn't want it hanging over the entire series like it did with Thomas Covenant. But I didn't want it to happen in the blink of an eye either. I also wanted to stretch it out long enough to make sure there was a sense of mystery about whether he actually was dreaming or not.
And I am the same way as you, regarding music. I used to listen to it when I wrote, but I can't anymore. I get distracted by it, especially if there are lyrics. I'm not the hugest fan of classical music, but I can write when it's in the background, at least.