Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 8)

Another excerpt from my middle grade fantasy adventure "Do You Believe in Magic?"

Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of my latest novel Do You Believe in Magic?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

Last week, I published a segment from Chapter 7. Today, I’ll continue with Chapter 8.

Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of a teen and young adult epic fantasy series titled Dark Circles. Though it is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 are enjoying it too. But I believe adults will like this exciting adventure as much as teens.

Here is a brief synopsis: A grieving boy moves to his grandparents' farm in Upstate South Carolina where he rediscovers his passion for life in a magical world hidden deep in the forest.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 8. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: In Chapter 7, Zola and Virgil enter a fantasy land and embark on a wild adventure. Gigantic crabs try to eat them, but they manage to escape by climbing up a towering escarpment. In Chapter 8, they are joined by a magical being and his leather-clad warriors.

CHAPTER 8 — MONKS AND WARRIORS

Zola struggled to escape a dark void.

She finally woke in semidarkness and discovered she was lying on her back on something soft in a place that smelled like freshly mown grass. She didn’t know where she was or the time of day.

Upon awakening, memories of what happened to Virgil and her flooded her awareness. But surely those memories were a dream. Oceans in Upstate South Carolina? Crabs the size of picnic tables? Come on.

She heard what sounded like growling. She rolled over to see what it might be. Just this minor exertion caused her head to spin.

Virgil lay next to her, still asleep. She could tell he was sleeping and not dead because he was snoring. He had once spent the night at her house and slept on the couch in her living room. Though she was upstairs, she still heard his snorts and whistles. Whomever he eventually married would probably need a separate bedroom.

What the heck was going on now? Were they having another sleepover? If so, Virgil wasn’t on her couch this time. And she certainly wasn’t upstairs in her bedroom because her bed wasn’t made out of leaves.

She needed to find her dad. He’d help her figure this out. But when she sat up, her stomach wrenched, causing her to turn to the side opposite Virgil and puke. Her head spun like crazy. When she regained her bearings, she turned to see Virgil puking too. Maybe they were both in the hospital in a ward that used fake leaves as bedding to entertain the kids.

If so, where were the nurses? And the IVs? And the TVs?

Virgil looked at her with bleary eyes and muttered his favorite question. “Where are we?”

“A hospital, I think.”

“Huh?”

“We’re in a hospital. We both have incurable cases of Charlie’s ‘huh?’ disease.”

“Huh?”

“Virgil, to be honest, I don't know where we are, how we got here, or what it is we’re doing. If you could enlighten me, I’d appreciate it because I’m clueless.”

“Last thing I remember is climbing the ladder.”

The ladder? The ladder! Was that for real? Or was a dream version of Virgil messing with her?

“I’m going to find my dad,” she said.

“Huh?”

Oh, jeez. “Just wait here, Virgil. Okay?”

“No, it’s not okay. I’m coming with you.”

“Whatever.”

She realized she was inside a round hut made of woven branches and more leaves. Man, this hospital went the distance in exotic décor, if not in patient services.

Carefully avoiding her puke, she crawled on hands and knees toward the door, pushed aside a tarp, and went outside. Bright sunlight blinded her. She stood on wobbly legs and said, “Whoaaa!” The hut was not on the ground but rather perched precariously on the massive branch of an extremely tall tree. Her fear of heights kicked in again, and she dropped to her knees and tried to dig her fingertips into the coarse bark.

“Wow!” Virgil said behind her, scaring the living daylights out of her for the thousandth time.

“Virgil, would you cut that out? You almost made me fall!”

Virgil paid her no attention. Instead, he gestured at something with a sort of awe, so she found the courage to stand again and gaze in the direction his trembling finger pointed.

A dense canopy of trees stretched for several miles, but the sea of green wasn’t the most marvelous part. Deep among the trees stood a black spire that towered hundreds of feet above the canopy. It was jagged at the top like a spiked crown—only the crown was on fire, and a ring of swirling smoke engulfed its pinnacle. Bursts of spidery lightning leaped within the black cloud, looking hot and angry.

“Awesome, is it not? That is the word Lord Gar used the first time he saw it.”

Zola and Virgil yelped, then turned and looked up toward the source of the baritone voice. Zola expected to encounter a giant of a man, but instead saw someone on the small size, thin but not frail, sitting cross-legged on one of the tree’s highest branches. He wore white robes, but his skin was brown even on the top of his shaven head, and his feet were bare and calloused. They had finally found an adult, even if he was a little different from the adults she was used to. This one looked more like a monk she might run into in her native country.

“Can you help us?” Zola said, feeling tears sting her eyes.

“Hmmm, that is an interesting question. I could answer it more easily in my tongue. I have mastered Lord Gar’s language better than most of our people, but to be honest, he does not have the patience a good instructor needs. At least he brought us some of his books, which helped once we learned how to read them.” The man paused, then said, “Lord Gar fights better than he teaches. And though I have learned thousands of his words, he has learned only a few dozen of mine.” The man chuckled, low and rumbling but pleasant. “Regardless, even I, Yati-Azura, cannot deny his value to Pacchann.”

Now Zola was full-out crying.

“Sir, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but my friend and I are scared. We don’t know where we are. We don’t know how we got here. And we just want to go home. My friend has diabetes, and I’m worried about him being without his medicine, which we left back in the cave. A big crab bit him, and he might be hurt, even if he doesn’t seem to be.” She was rambling but didn’t care. “Do you have a cellphone we could use to call our parents? Or the police?”

The small man laughed way louder than he should have. Zola feared he might fall off the branch. She heard Virgil giggle behind her as if the laughter was contagious. And of course, it was. Despite her tears, she giggled too. It felt like rain on a cloudless day.

“Please, sir,” she said, still giggling and crying at the same time. “I know this must seem funny to you, but we are lost.” She turned to Virgil. “At least I am.”

“Awwwww, child,” the man said, wiping his eyes with a wiry forearm. “I am truly sorry. I meant no offense.”

He scrambled down the branch and approached her. He was obviously comfortable in tall trees. And this tree appeared to be the tallest of them all.

“I don’t have a ‘cellphone,’” he said. “I’m not even sure what that is, though I have heard Lord Gar mention it before. But if you need someone who can help get you ‘home,’ then fate has treated you well. I am Yati-Azura, grand master of the Torana. Only through Torana can you leave this place.”

“What’s a Torana?” Virgil asked. “Sounds like a train.”

The man laughed again. “You will learn.”

End of excerpt ………

Themes: Expect the unexpected; trust must be earned; facing your fears.

Between the lines: Is the existence—or nonexistence—of magic a black and white issue? Or is it more of a gray area? To a child, a floating balloon is magical. To an adult, it’s just an ordinary balloon filled with helium. But in the grand scheme of things, aren’t we all children at heart? If so, does some level of belief in magic exist within even the most skeptical among us?

Writing tips: One of the more effective ways to introduce a new character is via dialogue. It’s true most authors will begin with some degree of physical description, as I have done here (see bold highlights):

Zola and Virgil yelped, then turned and looked up toward the source of the baritone voice. Zola expected to encounter a giant of a man, but instead saw someone on the small size, thin but not frail, sitting cross-legged on one of the tree’s highest branches. He wore white robes, but his skin was brown even on the top of his shaven head, and his feet were bare and calloused. They had finally found an adult, even if he was a little different from the adults she was used to. This one looked more like a monk she might run into in her native country.

But if you reread this week’s excerpt, you’ll see the new character who greets Zola and Virgil comes to life mostly through his words.

More about the series: The cover of book 2 is complete—and I love it! Book 3’s cover is up next, though I won’t be needing it for a while yet. Look for Book 2 in mid-October of this year and Book 3 in February 2024. I am currently halfway through the revision process of Book 2 titled Do You Believe in Monsters?.

Please watch my promotional video trailer.

Promotional notes: Do You Believe in Magic? is currently on promotion. The ebook has been discounted to 99 cents. The paperback has been discounted to $8.99.

Past episodes

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7