Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 4)

Another excerpt from my middle grade fantasy adventure "Do You Believe in Magic?"

Every Friday, I’m going to send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of my latest novel Do You Believe in Magic?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

Last week, I published a segment from Chapter 3. Today, I’ll continue with Chapter 4.

Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of a middle-grade portal/epic fantasy series titled Dark Circles. Though it is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 are enjoying it too. But I believe adults will like this exciting adventure as much as teens.

Here is a brief synopsis: A grieving boy moves to his grandparents' farm in Upstate South Carolina where he rediscovers his passion for life in a magical world hidden deep in the forest.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 4. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

CHAPTER 4 — GIRL MEETS BOY

There was no escaping it.

When she looked at the photographs, the pain rushed over her like rising waters too incessant to contain. The wooden frame, its intricate carvings a half-century old, was not the cause of her distress. Neither was the yellowed glass, cracked in the center and chipped on the sides.

No.

The pain was caused by the two vertical photos pressed side by side beneath the glass.

Her mothers. One woman she could not remember. Another she could not forget.

Yet losing both haunted her every breath.

Familiar tears arose. She would not sob. Or choke. Or blubber. These tears would cause her eyes to burn and her lips to quiver. They would hurt physically.

Zola arrived in the United States before she could even speak. Since that day, she had not returned to her birth country of Thailand. She was an American citizen. For better or worse. Mostly for the better, she believed. But sometimes she wondered.

Her birth mother was dead. Her adoptive mother was dead too.

Her birth father? He was a mystery to everyone. No one knew where he was. Or even whom he was.

Her adoptive father? Robert Scyler was the only parent who remained in her life. And now he called to her from the downstairs of their old house.

“Dinner’s ready, angel.”

Zola laid the frame back on top of her chest of drawers. She wiped her eyes with her thin forearm. Then she stood, took a deep breath, and forced herself to smile. She loved Robert. He was a kind and intelligent man, even if most people thought he was eccentric.

Before leaving her room, Zola stroked her black cat Duncan, whom she had named after Duncan MacLeod of the 1990s Highlander TV series. Why a 13-year-old girl who came from halfway around the world would be a fan of a TV series that was popular in the United States long before she was born was a story in itself. But the simple answer was her dad loved the show and had recorded every episode on old VHS tapes. Adrian Paul, the lead actor, sure was hot for an old guy, even if Zola’s only views of him were fuzzy and off-color because of the poor quality of the tapes. Meanwhile, Duncan the cat acted more like a dog than a feline, and he typically followed her all over the house. But this time he remained at the foot of the bed and continued his nap. She smiled at her beloved pet and stroked him again.

Life wasn’t all bad. ………..

End of excerpt.

Context: Zola is one of two friends that Charlie (my protagonist) makes at his new school in Lowery, South Carolina. Zola was born in Thailand, adopted at a young age by an American couple, and raised in the United States. Her struggles with parental loss cause her pain and confusion.

Themes: Dealing with loss, feeling like you don’t belong, finding joy amid despair.

Between the lines: I didn’t reference the Highlander TV series just for the fun of it. The series and the movies explored the perils of immortality. If you remove the head (the brain? the soul?), even immortals cease to exist. But they pass on their essence. In Do You Believe in Magic?, Charlie and Zola square off against an immortal. Books 2 and 3 will fill in the blanks.

Writing tips: Do you call it the first draft, second draft, third draft? Or first draft, first revision, second revision? I prefer the latter, I guess. The first draft of a novel is like cooking and eating a fancy meal. The revision process is like clearing the table, cleaning up the kitchen, and putting away the dishes. Since I’m currently about halfway through my first revision of book 2, I’ll tell you how I do it.

First draft: This is the creative, crazy, thrilling part of writing a novel. Throw the spaghetti against the wall and hope it sticks. My entire mindset is different when I’m writing a first draft. It is tantalizing and agonizing. Dreamlike and difficult. There’s nothing quite like it. Level of difficulty: 10

First revision: For me, this is just a read-through where I fact-check and make obvious fixes, sort of like doing a quick read-over of an email before you send it. Level of difficulty: 4

Second revision: This is the draft of all drafts. I analyze every single sentence. Do I keep it? Delete it? Rewrite it? Embellish it? This revision takes the longest of all (not including the first draft) and does the most toward making my book as good as it can be. Level of difficulty: 9.5

Third revision: This is similar to my first revision, only it cleans up after my second revision. Level of difficulty: 3

Fourth revision: I now begin the process of playing tricks with my mind. I do this revision at 200 percent or larger, so that I’m only able to see three or so paragraphs on the screen at a time. This enables me to make important changes and corrections within individual paragraphs and sentences. Level of difficulty: 7

Fifth revision: I continue the tricks game, only now I read it at the smallest size my eyes can manage, so that I’m seeing seven or more paragraphs on the screen at a time. This enables me to study the narrative in a larger context and to avoid unnecessary duplication of certain words. Level of difficulty: 7

Sixth revision: This is similar to the first and third revisions. Level of difficulty: 3

Seventh revision: Now comes the infamous print-out version. It’s amazing how many typos and other errors you’ll find when you do an old-fashioned edit on paper. Level of difficulty: 9

Eighth revision: See first, third, and sixth revisions. Level of difficulty: 2

Ninth revision: Read it OUT LOUD! Like the seventh revision, it’s amazing how many errors you’ll uncover when you hear it spoken in your own (eventually hoarse) voice. Level of difficulty: 9

Tenth through whatever revisions: See first, third, sixth, and eighth revisions. Level of difficult: 3

Send it to professional editor and beta readers: Wait impatiently. Level of difficulty: 2

Incorporate changes: I have to be careful here to not introduce a mistake while in the process of correcting one. Level of difficulty: 5

One final read-through: And I still find a few things, dammit! Level of difficulty: 4

Book is ready to publish: Body trembles. Level of difficulty: impossible to quantify.

Previous segments: Prologue. Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3.

More about the series: The cover art for book 2 titled Do You Believe in Monsters? is almost finished. Here’s a sneak-peek of the latest draft. I think it’s really cool.

Promotional note: Do You Believe in Magic? is currently on promotion. The ebook has been discounted to $1.99. The paperback has been discounted to $9.99.