Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 12)

Another excerpt from my teen fantasy adventure 'Do You Believe in Magic?'

Sep 22, 2023

Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of my latest novel Do You Believe in Magic?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

Last week, I published a segment from Chapter 11. Today, I’ll continue with Chapter 12.

Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of a teen fantasy series titled Dark Circles. Though it is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 are enjoying it too. But I believe adults will like this exciting adventure as much as teens.

Here is a brief synopsis: A grieving boy moves to his grandparents' farm in Upstate South Carolina where he rediscovers his passion for life in a magical world hidden deep in the forest.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 12. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: In Chapter 11, Charlie encounters deadly monsters during his dreamlike journey to safety. In Chapter 12, the action returns to Zola and Virgil, who sail across the ocean on an exotic vessel.

CHAPTER 12 — THE DESTRUCTION OF UXO-TA
Unknowingly, they were all headed in the same direction.
On the night that Charlie and Garrick ate dragon meat on the beach, Zola and Virgil journeyed eastward across the ocean on an exotic vessel. Their destination? Uxo-Ta, the same city Charlie and Garrick were marching northward to reach.
The ocean was well-behaved and their exotic vessel rode the waves well. The slow up-and-down sensation reminded Zola of a heart beating in a state of serenity.
Zola liked to meditate. She had been taught how to focus on her breath by her adoptive mother, a Western Caucasian woman who was a Buddhist convert. Even when much younger, Zola relished the way meditation quieted her heart. Since her mother’s death from—of all things—a heart attack, Zola’s instructions had ceased. Her father Robert meditated occasionally, but it was her mother who was the far more disciplined of the two. Robert was spiritual when it came to nature, but he didn’t have much interest in ritual or structure.
Zola and Virgil sat on the deck, each leaning lazily against a barrel. Virgil was sound asleep, his chin on his chest. And he was drooling magnificently. Virgil could be gross, which Zola didn’t find attractive. She could be his friend but not his girlfriend. Since Virgil felt the same about her, their relationship flourished with little tension in that regard.
Charlie was another matter. There were a lot of things about him that Zola found attractive. He was definitely boyfriend material—if she ever saw him again.
Zola chose to meditate now. She repositioned into a more upright—though still relaxed—posture. She didn’t want to become so comfortable that it made her sleepy. But she also didn’t want to be overly rigid. She needed to remain alert but not hyper, calm but not drowsy.
Zola focused her attention on the tip of her nose and watched each inhale and exhale, and the slight pause in between. She didn’t watch with her eyes, of course, but with her senses. She attempted to become single-minded, concentrating only on the breath. But of course, her mind wandered instantly. Her mother taught her that a wandering mind was inevitable. Instead of becoming angry at herself over her lack of control, Zola simply noted each thought as it arose and then returned her attention to her breath.
After Zola meditated for fifteen minutes, something occurred that was new to her experience. She felt like she was being watched, but not by someone on the ship. A stranger from a distant place entered her thoughts.
This uncommon sensation was not the least bit pleasant. It was like sitting in a field enjoying the scent of wildflowers and having a skunk wander past. Zola’s heart pounded so hard it made her dizzy. She opened her eyes but saw only darkness, and within it a swirl of gray clouds. A powerful male voice demanded her attention. “Who are you? Tell me!”
A hand squeezed her arm. Zola squealed—and this time she opened her eyes for real. She was on the deck of the ship, only she had slid over onto Virgil’s shoulder. Her friend still slept—the boy could sleep through a tornado—but the hand on her arm didn’t belong to Virgil. Azura knelt next to her.
All she could think to say was, “Why aren’t you steering?”
Azura smiled briefly. “We are past the point of danger. Here, the ocean has no mind, and the warriors can lead us.”
He sat next to her. The whites of his eyes glowed in the moonlight, and his breath smelled like cinnamon. “Something happened to you just now. What did you see?”
“I don’t understand.”
“What did you see in your dream?”
“I wasn’t dreaming. There’s this thing called meditation.”
“Anuccangin—”
“Huh?”
“Anuccangin … the watching of the breath. The clearing of the mind. The seeking of truth and wisdom.”
“You know about meditation?”
“Anuccangin is Yati. Yati is Anuccangin.” He leaned even closer until their noses almost touched. “You wereasleep, child. I’ve been standing over you for more than an hour. I ask again, what did you see?”
Had she been sleeping? It had been a stressful day, so she supposed she might have been.
“I guess I was dreaming. Sorry. I felt like someone was watching me—and talking to me.”
“And?”
“I didn’t like it.”
Virgil sat up and rubbed his eyes. “I’m hungry” were the first words out of his rubbery mouth.
Azura grinned at Zola. “See? No diabetes.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I am Yati.”
Zola groaned.
Azura’s expression turned pensive. “The Niddukk has unveiled you. I could sense the watcher too. He has visited my dreams on occasion. And he watches Lord Gar obsessively. The Niddukk sees far. It is a good thing someone already trained you in meditation because you will need it before all is said and done. Other than the Niddukk, exhaustion will be your worst enemy.”
“You said ‘he.’ The Niddukk is a man?”
“The Niddukk is male. But he is not a man.” Azura lowered his face. “He is much stronger than a man.” Then he looked at her with hope in his eyes. “But not so strong that he believes himself invincible. He fears Yati-Azura. He fears Yodhin-Nobuo. And he fears Lord Gar most of all. If Zola and Virgil become lords, he will fear you too. That he is still afraid gives us a chance.”
Virgil was paying attention now. “Our friend might be here too.”
Azura arched an eyebrow.
“Another one of us,” Virgil continued. “A boy named Charlie. He has white hair, so he’s hard to miss. He was behind us and might be here somewhere. Will the Niddukk fear him too?”
Azura’s eyes sprang wide. “What did you say?”
“I asked you if the Niddukk will fear our friend Charlie.”
“No. What did you say about his hair?”
Zola answered for him. “It’s white, just like his dog. Well, almost white. Sort of white-blond.”
Azura leaped up and paced. “The boy’s hair is white? Are you certain?”
“Of course we’re certain. He’s our friend,” Zola said. “But we don’t even know if he came through the tunnel. He might be here, but I hope he isn’t.”
“What color are his eyes?” Azura said insistently.
“I don’t know,” Virgil said.
Zola could hardly stand it. “Virgil, don’t be stupid.”
“I’m not being stupid. Why should I care what color Charlie’s eyes are?”
“What color are my eyes?”
Virgil peered at them. “Black?”
“They’re brown, doofus! Are you telling me you and I have been best friends since elementary school and you don’t know the color of my eyes?”
“Why should I care?” Virgil repeated.
Zola sighed deeply. Then she turned to Azura. “Charlie’s eyes are blue. But Virgil’s right, I guess. Who cares? Why are you getting so worked up? I doubt he even went through the tunnel. He’s not as stupid as we are. He’s probably home right now in his own bed.”
End of excerpt.

Themes: Exploration of the mind; the power of silence; color as a tangible symbol.

Between the lines: Goodness is a relaxed state that flows freely and easily. Evilness is an agitated state that is constantly on alert. You can portray whether your character is good, evil, or somewhere in between by exploring his or her state of mind.

Writing tips: Having your characters “arch an eyebrow” or “sigh deeply” is often overdone and is seen by many as lazy writing. But when your dialogue is flowing, I don’t think it’s the end of the world to slide a few of these in. They are gentle nudges that keep the focus on the dialogue without bogging it down.

More about the series: The cover of book 2 is complete. Above is a sneak peek. Book 3’s cover is up next, and it is almost finished. I’m also almost finished with book 2. I have three pro editors about to tackle it for me. It will be available for preorder at a discount price to my Substack subscribers starting on Oct. 23, 2023. It will go live on Oct. 30.

DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (coming this October)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming February 2024)

Promotional notes: Do You Believe in Magic? is currently on promotion. The ebook has been discounted to 99 cents. The paperback has been discounted to $8.99.

Purchase Do You Believe in Magic?

Past episodes

Jim Melvin's Realms of Fantasy

Discussion about this post