Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 10)

Another excerpt from my teen fantasy adventure 'Do You Believe in Magic?'

Sep 07, 2023

Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of my latest novel Do You Believe in Magic?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

Last week, I published a segment from Chapter 9. Today, I’ll continue with Chapter 10.

Do You Believe in Magic? is book 1 of a teen fantasy series titled Dark Circles. Though it is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 are enjoying it too. But I believe adults will like this exciting adventure as much as teens.

Here is a brief synopsis: A grieving boy moves to his grandparents' farm in Upstate South Carolina where he rediscovers his passion for life in a magical world hidden deep in the forest.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 10. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: In Chapter 9, Charlie enters the fantasy world via a portal hidden in a cave behind a waterfall. There are many adventures in Chapter 9 that occur after the excerpt ended. In today’s Chapter 10, Charlie continues to believe he is dreaming as he journeys with a band of warriors toward a village that will provide safety.

CHAPTER 10 — VILLAGE BY THE RIVER
The dream was endless.
Charlie began the next march on his own two feet, determined to keep up for a while before relying on Blue. He lasted less than an hour. By then, he was a sweaty mess very much in need of a bath. Plus, he hadn’t brushed his teeth since leaving his house the previous morning, which was bothering him worse than anything else. Even as a young boy, Charlie enjoyed brushing his teeth, and he hated the foul taste in his mouth right now.
This got him thinking again: If he was dreaming, wouldn’t he remember brushing his teeth before going to bed? In fact, he didn’t remember going to bed at all. He met Zola and Virgil, found the waterfall, and crawled into the tunnel. But he had no memory of going to bed.
Masao and the pretty female warrior helped Charlie onto Blue, and he again rode on his dog’s back. Garrick was determined to cover some ground, so they marched for five hours without rest. The beach occasionally swerved in one direction or another, but otherwise it retained a numbing sameness—ultra-blue ocean on the left, wall of golden-brown pampas grass on the right, white sandy beach in the middle—no matter how many miles they traversed. Charlie drifted in and out, sleeping for short, dreamless spurts. When he woke, they were still on the beach. Maybe he wasn’t dreaming. Maybe he banged his head and was in a coma. This almost made more sense than his dream theory. A dream couldn’t go on for this long, but a coma could last for months or even years. The more he thought about it, the more he wondered. He could have slipped in the cave and knocked his noggin’ (another dad favorite), and now he was lying in a hospital bed, his mom and grandparents tearfully at his side. This would even explain the hunger because his only sustenance would be the IV drip attached to his arm. The problem with this theory was it was extremely disturbing. Charlie saw no benefit to being in a coma. At least if he was dreaming, he would eventually wake up.
Right?
Blue looked up and barked once. To Charlie, the sky looked flawlessly blue—and empty.
But Garrick thought otherwise. “We are followed from above,” he said to the warriors.
“Will the Kampetti launch another attack?” Masao said.
“Without the presence of a dragon? Probably not,” Garrick said. “But perhaps other evils are preparing an ambush.”
“At least we will find food at the village,” Masao said. “When I was last there, a score of Yodhin was in control.”
“What’s a score?” Charlie said. “And what’s a Yodhin?”
Garrick chuckled. “A nerd like you doesn’t know what a score is? You know, ‘Four score and seven years ago …’”
“Ohhhh,” Charlie said.
“What happened eighty-seven years ago?” Masao said.
“Nothing you need to worry about,” Garrick said. “It’s one of those ‘My World’ things that don’t matter here.”
“If you say so, lord,” Masao said.
Garrick turned to Charlie. “A Yodhin is a warrior. I am Yodhin. Masao is Yodhin. There are also Yati. The Yati are monks. There are thousands of warriors but only 20 monks. And the monks wield the strongest magic. Some, like Yati-Azura, wield Uttama-Indajala, which means High Magic.”
“If you say so, lord,” Charlie said, mimicking Masao.
“You will learn,” Garrick said.
They continued their march. Another grueling hour passed before Charlie noticed the seemingly endless wall of pampas grass had thinned out. Within a quarter mile, it ended abruptly, and a wide plain of ordinary grass took over, reminding Charlie of a massive cow pasture.
“I can’t believe it’s gone,” Charlie said to Masao. “The pampas grass, I mean. There was so much of it. I thought it might go on forever.”
“It covers several hundred hectares in that one growth alone, and there are many others,” Masao responded. “And always the spiders.”
“What’s a hectare?” Charlie said.
“Charlie,” Garrick said. “I thought you were one of the smart kids.”
“Well, excuuuuse me.”
Masao laughed. “That is what Lord Gar says when he farts.”
End of excerpt ………

Themes: Larger than life; reality versus perception; trapped by confusion.

Between the lines: Dreams involve images, sensations, emotions, and ideas that occur involuntarily in the mind during sleep. Some believe dreams are harbingers of things to come. Others discount them as simple visions of an active mind. But have you ever had a dream feel so real that it was as if it truly happened? Or have you ever been awake yet felt like you were dreaming?

What if both experiences occur at the same time?

Writing tips: One of the more effective ways of incorporating a dream-like quality into your work is through the use of inner dialogue. This enables the author to reveal musings and emotions that the character might not be willing to show outwardly, including questioning his or her own sanity. Even better, it gives the reader permission to observe the character’s most private thoughts, almost as if you were a mind-reader. This intense level of intimacy creates a powerful bond.

More about the series: The cover of book 2 is complete—and I love it! Here is a sneak peek. Book 3’s cover is up next, and I’ve already seen the first sketch. It’s also very cool! I’m currently two-thirds of the way through the revision process of book 2.

DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (coming this October)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming February 2024)

**Please watch my promotional video trailer.**

Promotional notes: Do You Believe in Magic? is currently on promotion. The ebook has been discounted to 99 cents. The paperback has been discounted to $8.99.

Purchase Do You Believe in Magic?