Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 2 | Book 2)

The third excerpt from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"

Dec 01, 2023

Every Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

Earlier this month, I finished book 1 titled Do You Believe in Magic? with an excerpt from its Epilogue. I have now restarted the process with book 2. Last week, I featured Chapter 1.

DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming February 2024)

Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.

Here is a brief synopsis from book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 2 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: Virgil is forced to go to school on his own to face the bully Gord, but what ends up happening once he gets there is not what he expected.

CHAPTER 2 | THE REAL WORLD
Virgil’s dreaded Monday roared into motion.
He was no longer strong, no longer the Hulk. And his diabetes had returned. Before going downstairs to face the inevitable inquisition, Virgil gave himself a shot of insulin in his pitifully tender stomach. A lone tear slid down his cheek. This was his life, like it or lump it.
His dad stood in the kitchen making breakfast only for himself. Virgil didn’t know where his mom was. But she was likely to appear and add to his misery.
There was no “good morning” from his dad. Not even a “hello.” Instead, his dad griped at him.
“We let you go with your friends, unsupervised, into the woods.” His dad said “woods” like everyone considered it to be a disgusting place. “And how do you reward us? By going to bed with dirt all over you and forcing us to wash your sheets again.”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Virgil said meekly. “I was tired. And I wasn’t feeling good. I might be coming down with a cold.”
Virgil had little hope of being given permission to stay home for the day, but he figured he might as well give it a try.
His dad responded in typical fashion. “If you hadn’t wandered around in the woods all day, you’d be feeling fine right now.”
“Yes, Dad.”
“Did you take your shot?”
“Yes, Dad.”
“At least you did something right. Toast a bagel and get out of here before you miss the bus.”
Then his dad stomped off.
Virgil did as he was told. There was only one bagel left and only a bit of cream cheese, but he choked it down as best he could. Lunch today would have to be a peanut butter sandwich with chips and an apple. He didn’t have time to make anything fancier.
Virgil didn’t see his mom, which was a good thing. He wondered how late his parents had stayed out. Was his mom still sleeping? She was the only one in the house who had little to do. His dad worked a lot and Virgil went to school a lot. And though his mom occasionally did things like wash his sheets, their housekeepers and landscapers handled most of the chores.
Virgil’s day typically began with an uncomfortable encounter with his parents. On a school day, it continued with a torturous bus ride. Though Lowery was a small school, the bus was usually crowded, resulting in an almost daily struggle to find a seat. Virgil didn’t mind standing, but the driver wouldn’t allow it. His only solace was Zola, who did her best to save a spot for him.
Only today, of course, Zola wasn’t there. She was at home sound asleep. However, more than one kid had apparently played hooky because the back row of the bus was empty. Virgil sat down and slouched. He could feel disapproving eyes on him, but none that were too menacing. Gord rode the other bus. If he were on this one, Virgil wouldn’t have had the courage to go to school at all.
Virgil checked his phone and listened to Zola’s voice message. It made him feel even sadder that she wouldn’t be at school today. He was certain Charlie also wouldn’t be there. They both had good parents. And though Garrick had a bad parent, he doubted “Lord Gar” would be there either, not after all they had been through the past several days … er, hours.
As he walked down the main hall to his homeroom, Virgil noticed red clay splattered on the floor. Someone hadn’t bothered to clean off his shoes on the boot scraper, despite the bold sign that threatened detention for those who didn’t. Lowery Middle had flaws galore, but “Janitor James,” as the students liked to call him, worked hard to keep the floors clean and shiny. Janitor James was one of the few people at Lowery Middle who was nice to Virgil. He was also one of only three Black people at his school—James and two students, both of whom were as nice as the janitor. Virgil’s dad told him it was racist to say the Black kids were nice. Virgil couldn’t understand why that would be. The Hispanic boys and girls were also nice, and there were a lot more of them than the Black kids. For some reason, Gord and his gang didn’t pick on Blacks or Hispanics. They focused on the weakest of their own race.
Like him.
End of excerpt.

Themes: Outcast; unexpected allies; rural inequities.

Between the lines: I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I tend to write a fat first draft and then shorten it during the revision process. For instance, book 2 started out at 110K and ended up at 90K. But my revision process is not entirely about subtraction. One thing I add during the revision process is foreshadowing.

This sophisticated literary device involves subtlety planting suggestions or warnings about events that are yet to come, and I find that it’s easier to incorporate foreshadowing into the narrative after you have written the events and truly understand what they are about.

You have to be clever. If you bang the reader over the head with it, it will feel forced.

Writing tips: Point of view is one of the most crucial elements of narrative fiction. My series is written in third-person limited, which is probably the most popular point of view used by fiction writers because of its adaptability to almost any scene—from intimate drama to hardcore action.

In third-person limited, you stick to one character’s perspective at a time. You can change POVs between chapters or even chapter dividers, but you should never blend them during the same segment.

My lead protagonist, Charlie, has the starring POV role in my series, but several other characters are also featured. Perhaps more importantly, most of the characters are never featured, which engulfs them with a purposeful sense of mystery. Other than in dialogue, the reader never intimately knows what these characters are thinking.

I recommend that novelists—especially someone just starting out—conduct extensive research on the various forms of POV. One of the most amateurish things a writer can do is consistently mess this up.

Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)

Prologue | Chapter 1

Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)

**Purchase books 1 and 2 at this link.**

Promotional notes

The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.

As of the end of November, I have written almost 30,000 words of the first draft of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?. I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m making steady progress every day.

All told, more than 7,500 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with more than 28,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.

Jim Melvin's Realms of Fantasy

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