Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 1 | Book 2)
The second excerpt from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"
Every Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
Earlier this month, I finished book 1 titled Do You Believe in Magic? with an excerpt from its Epilogue. Last Friday, I restarted the process with the Prologue of book 2.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming February 2024)
Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.
Here is a brief synopsis from book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 1 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: Charlie, Zola, and Virgil arrive back from Pachann after their first adventure in the magical land. Chapter 1 starts with the return of Virgil, whose parents are financially rich but emotionally poor.
CHAPTER 1 | HOMECOMINGS
Virgil’s alarm erupted like a series of explosions.
He sat up groggily and pounded on the digital clock until it finally turned off. This made him so dizzy he collapsed back onto his pillow. It took a full minute before he could sit up again, this time gingerly. When his head cleared, he struggled from beneath his tangle of blankets and squirmed out of his king-sized bed.
Virgil held no illusions his parents had bought him the luxurious bed out of love and generosity. It was because they enjoyed hosting lavish parties during which his dad gave room-by-room tours of their mansion. His dad even showed his guests Virgil’s bedroom, which the housekeeper slavishly cleaned every day. At least there were a few advantages to having parents who controlled every move you made.
During his morning shower, Virgil replayed everything that had happened since he got back to Lowery. While Charlie and Zola had seemed eager to return to their homes, Virgil had dreaded it. The walk from the waterfall to his house felt like a funeral procession to him. But Charlie and Zola chatted the entire time about big dinners, bubble baths, and comfy beds. They agreed they would pretend to be sick the next morning and spend all day Monday in bed. Zola only grew pensive when Charlie bragged about how his mom and grandparents would pamper him. Zola’s dad was a good guy, but he probably wasn’t the world’s best pamperer.
Of course, Virgil’s parents were the world’s worst pamperers, so what did Zola have to complain about? Virgil didn’t make it home until almost 6:30 on Sunday evening. He tiptoed in expecting a tongue-lashing—and maybe even a couple of swats on his rear—for being so late. Instead, silence greeted him.
When his parents weren’t there, the house was spooky. There wasn’t even a dog around. Virgil had always wanted a dog. That’s why he loved Blue so much. But they didn’t permit him to have pets, not even a bird. Pets were “dirty” and “too much work.”
He walked into the kitchen where his parents left their notes and found one on the island counter.
We are out and won’t be back before midnight.
Eat a frozen dinner.
Go to bed early.
Don’t forget to set your alarm for school.
Don’t miss the bus.
That was it. How’s that for pampering, Charlie? Doesn’t look like I’ll be faking sick and spending all day Monday in bed. Maybe if you walked in my shoes for even a day, you’d understand why I want to go back to Pacchann—and never leave.
Virgil powered down his phone and climbed into bed without even taking a shower. He was still a bit filthy from his travails in Pacchann, but he didn’t care. Why should he?
He thought about turning his phone back on and calling Zola. But even that didn’t appeal to him. He only wanted to sleep.
And forget.
Now it was morning. He stood in the shower.
And remembered.
End of excerpt.
Themes: Parent/child relationship; narcissism; jealousy; loneliness.
Between the lines: We’ve all known people who seem to have perfect parents and yet they turn out to be flawed in their own relationships. But overall, it seems to me that parents who are warm and loving tend to produce children who are similar in nature, and vice versa. If the latter is passed from generation to generation, can this cycle be broken?
Writing tips: Often, a character’s internal recap of an event can be as powerful as the event itself, especially in terms to getting inside the character’s head and unveiling hidden feelings. In my experience, most self-published books today are less focused on character development and far more focused on action-action-action. This appears to be what sells. But doesn’t the writer owe it to his or her audience to mix in character development with some degree of complexity?
If your readers are sophisticated enough to grasp the importance of character development, they will care more about your characters as the story develops. I’d hate to think the majority of readers are only in it for surface entertainment.
Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)
Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue
Promotional notes
I am a featured author at this link.
The ebook versions of books 1 and 2 will both be discounted to 99 cents today through Monday at this link.
All told, more than 7,000 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with more than 25,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.
Thanks so much, Caro! Some might argue that the characters grow too quickly, but book 3 will answer why. Each book becomes subsequently more sophisticated.
I am enjoying Do You Believe in Monster? One aspect that I particularly love about the book, as well as Book 1, is the remarkable growth and progression of the characters. That hooks me right there!