Each Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Miracles? (book 3). I will also break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I will include writing tips. Previously, I did the same for Do You Believe in Magic? (book 1) and Do You Believe in Monsters?(book 2).
Though my series is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 — and many who are a lot older than 13 — are enjoying it.
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Here is a brief synopsis of the series: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 14 of book 3. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: The twenty members of the company depart the city of Nila and continue on their quest. They soon encounter a violent storm. Meanwhile, it is becoming increasingly clear that something is wrong with Kati.
CHAPTER 14 — KATI’S STORY
The rain felt like a bad sign.
Meitei trudged along with the rest of the company, the hood of his cloak shielding his shaven head.
As his clothes became sodden, Meitei shivered. But physical discomfort no longer fazed him much. His mental torment was more than enough. Muddled memories burned inside his mind like fire. He remembered climbing the steep stairs of the tower. The warrior confronted him. Meitei lashed out with the knife. The warrior fell. And bled.
What he did not remember was who or what had possessed him. All along, he had been convinced it was Amanussa. Now he was not as certain. But if not the queen of demons, then who? A lesser demon? Maybe. Meitei was weak enough to succumb to almost anything that wielded power, but even that did not feel right.
The crude road became nothing but sloppy mud. Meitei could barely see more than a dozen feet in front of him, so he focused on Hunying’s strong back and followed her. He had always been a follower, never a leader. How had he risen to the rank of monk? What had Azura seen in him?
It rained even harder and grew dark. Meitei did not know how long they had walked or what time of day it was. Late afternoon? Early evening?
And then there were the voices clamoring for attention inside his head.
Your friends will need you. Zola will need you. Need you. Need you! NEED YOU!
“Stop!!!” Meitei screamed.
The thundering rain smothered his plea.
Garrick led the way through the torrent. Its ferocity stunned him. Was the storm driven by an otherworldly power pitting its will against theirs?
“How far have we walked?” he shouted to Lingika and Masao.
“I would guess only four leagues, my lord,” Masao shouted back.
“If that,” Lingika said.
Four leagues. We’re not even halfway to the foothills.
Then he reminded himself again that this journey was more of a marathon than a sprint.
“I think we should stop,” Garrick shouted.
“That would be wise,” Lingika said.
The squire appeared from out of the maelstrom. “It is too windy to construct the pavilion,” Soldat said. “But if we spread the tarp over the wagon and weigh it down with stones, we should all be able to gather beneath it.”
The four of them anchored the tarp and then all except Blue, Killer, and the horse squeezed underneath it. Charlie and Virgil weren’t happy their dogs couldn’t join them, but even they admitted Blue and Killer were too big.
“They’ll be okay,” Zola said. “Blue and Killer are a lot tougher than we are. And I’m guessing the horse is too.”
“Stinger will be fine,” Soldat said.
“Stinger?” Zola said.
“When he was just a colt, a swarm of wasps attacked him, but he fended them off by rushing into the ocean.”
“Ah. Then I guess a little rain won’t bother him too much.’
“Nothing much bothers Stinger.”
The rain thundered on, pounding the tarp like a demented drummer.
“We’ll have to wait this out,” Garrick said. “It can’t rain forever, right?”
“It will stop within the hour,” Amanussa said.
“How do you know?” Kate said.
James jumped in. “Amanussa is right. It will stop within the hour. The rest of the night will be cold but dry.”
“I am glad you are all such masters of the weather,” Kate said sarcastically.
“I am no master, but I am hopeful,” James said. “Do you have no hope left in you, Kati?”
“I see things for what they are.”
“Do you?” Meitei said. And then he clasped his hand over his mouth. “I am sorry, mistress. I do not know what compelled me say that.”
Between the lines: When a thunderstorm approaches, it usually happens in stages. The sky starts to darken. The temperature drops. A breeze picks up. Thunder can be heard in the distance. Far-off flashes of lightning become visible. The sky darkens further. The breeze turns into strong winds. Lightning and thunder grow more frequent and violent. A few heavy raindrops start to fall. Finally, the skies let loose with torrential fury.
In a figurative sense, a novelist often follows this same kind of pacing when unveiling a mystery woven deep in the narrative. The first clues are subtle and infrequent. But as the solution to the mystery gets closer and closer, the clues become more frequent and less subtle. Within a page or two of the grand revelation, the clues can get right in your face.
They say that life imitates art. Nature does, too.
Writing tips: Storms play critical roles in most fantasy novels. Tolkien’s masterfully written description of the snow storm that fell upon the Pass of Caradhras is an excellent example. If not for that storm, the company of nine would not have entered the mine of Moria, where Gandalf fell and was eventually reborn as a greater being.
Storms can be harbingers of evil, symbolic representations of a character’s inner torment, or even opportunities for growth. After all, when the storm passes, all is cleansed.
When writers incorporate storms into their stories, they should not do it just for show. Whether in their outline, first draft, or subsequent drafts, storms should be wound into the narrative as intricately as blood vessels in a body.
Past episodes of Book 3 (Do You Believe in Miracles?)
If you’re a reviewer on BookSirens, Do You Believe in Magic? can be accessed at THIS LINK or by clicking on the image above.
Dark Circles is appropriate for ages 13 and older, but readers as young as 10 and as old as 80 have told me they loved it — sort of like the Harry Potter series or C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia. All three books of my series are now available in four formats: ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook. This heartfelt coming of age series has won ten international awards.
Do You Believe in Magic? has been included in Amazon’s Prime Reading program from June 1, 2024 through Aug. 31, 2024. If you are a Prime member, you can read the book for free.
