Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series) Book 1:Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25) Book 2:Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30) Book 3:Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming April 21, 2024)
Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.
Here is a brief synopsis of book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 16 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: Charlie visits his mom, who is in the hospital suffering from a mysterious illness.
CHAPTER 16 | NO TURNING BACK
Real or fantasy?
Charlie could no longer tell which world was which.
The front entrance of Lowery Middle looked like something out of a spooky movie. Or maybe it was his vision playing tricks on him. One of these days, he would have to get his eyes tested.
Poppy dropped them off.
“I’ll pick you up after school,” he said.
“When will I get to see mom again?”
“We’ll stop on the way home. Zola and Virgil can wait in the car.”
“I want to see Charlie’s mom,” Virgil said.
“Me too,” Zola said.
Poppy cocked an eyebrow.
“Fine with me,” Charlie said. “Maybe these two goofballs will cheer her up.”
Zola punched him in the arm.
“Ouch!”
The day turned out to be uneventful. There was no sign of Gord, Parker, or any of the other bullies. But Charlie did see Janitor James after lunch between classes. James tussled his hair and then walked away without saying a word. It made Charlie happy. If all days at Lowery Middle were like this, it wouldn’t be so bad. After school, the three of them were standing at the front entrance when Poppy rolled up in his big truck. They drove to the hospital. In the middle of the afternoon, it didn’t seem so depressing. Everything was shiny and clean. Janitor James would have approved.
Poppy walked to the elevator. He didn’t ask anyone if it was okay. The ol’ look-like-you-know-where-you’re-going scam. Works every time.
When they reached his mom’s room, Charlie went inside. He expected the rest of them to wait in the hallway. But Zola and Virgil walked in behind him without hesitation.
His mom was asleep in her bed. There were no nurses. Charlie stroked her bare arm. His mom opened her eyes and recognized him. Then she looked at Zola and Virgil and seemed to recognize them too.
“Hi, Mom. How are you feeling?” Charlie said.
“I see you’ve brought your girlfriend and her buddy.”
My girlfriend?
“Hello, Mrs. Magus. My name is Zola Scyler. And this is my friend, Virgil Flynn. I hope you don’t mind that we came with Charlie. Virgil and I wanted to meet you in person. We’re sorry you’re not feeling well and hope you get better soon.”
“Why Charlie,” his mom said. “Your girlfriend is very polite.”
My girlfriend???
“Thank you,” Zola said.
“Mawmaw is a great cook,” Virgil added.
“I’m happy you think so,” Charlie’s mom said.
“Mom, forget about them! How are you feeling?”
His mom winced. “Nothing’s changed. I’m assuming Poppy told you what needs to be done?”
Try as he might, Charlie couldn’t believe these words were coming out of his mom’s mouth.
“Poppy told me what I need to do. But are you okay with this?”
“I don’t see that I have a lot of say in the matter. I suppose I could order you to stay here. But if you did that, things probably wouldn’t turn out well for a lot of people, including me. I doubt you’d be able to live with yourself. Of course, if something happens to you, I won’t be able to live with myself. Your Poppy has painted us into a corner.”
“Poppy did?”
“His desire to destroy the Niddukk might be even stronger than his love for us. In some ways, the three of you are his pawns. And so am I. But his intentions are good.”
Charlie still couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His mom knew a lot more than he could have ever imagined. At least, she knew it now. He didn’t believe she knew any of this before she had gotten sick. If so, she had done a darn good job of hiding it from him.
A nurse entered the room, a different one from the night before. But she said the same thing.
“Your mom needs to rest now. A doctor is coming in soon to check on her. She’s a little stronger than she was yesterday, but sleep is still the best medicine.”
Charlie looked at the nurse, and then at Zola and Virgil. “Can I have a minute alone with her before I go?”
“Yes, but make it quick,” the nurse said.
“I will, ma’am. I promise.”
The three of them walked out. Zola gave him one last look as she mouthed the words “I love you.”
Charlie blushed. When he turned back to his mom, she was smiling.
“I like her,” his mom said. “You’re both so young and your lives are ahead of you. But I hope you keep her around for a while.”
“If she’ll have me,” Charlie said. Then he leaned toward her, close enough to whisper.
“I’m going back at midnight. I don’t know what I’ll find when I get there. Whatever it is, I doubt it’ll be pretty. But I promise you I’m going to make sure the Niddukk doesn’t hurt you anymore. And I’m also going to find dad.”
His mom gasped, as if stricken by a jolt of pain. “Charlie—”
She started to cry.
“Mom—”
“Charlie, is there such a thing as a happy ending?”
“Mom, I don’t know.”
End of excerpt.
Themes: Illness; poison; healing.
Between the lines: Believe it or not, writers sometimes like to have a little fun by turning briefly away from the narrative and speaking directly to you — with a twinkle in their eyes. I’ve done this occasionally throughout my series, most often within dialogue. For instance:
“Charlie, is there such a thing as a happy ending?”
“Mom, I don’t know.”
What do you think? Is there such a thing as a happy ending? I’m asking you! 😀
Writing tips: I wrote the first word of book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?) in mid-February 2023. I wrote the 300,000th word of my trilogy when I completed the first draft of book 3 (Do You Believe in Miracles?) in mid-February 2024. About 180 days of that 365-day stretch were spent writing the first drafts of the three books.
300,000 ÷ 180 = 1666.6666666666667, which is how many words I averaged per day during my first drafts. (And yes, all those sixes are a little spooky.)
Why am I telling you this?
Who knows? 🤣
But seriously … If you want to complete multiple books in one year, you have to put in the work every day, even if it sometimes wears you out. The good news is first drafts are called first drafts for a reason. They are not final drafts. So if some of those 1666.6666666666667 words are crap, don’t fret over it! You can polish them during the revision process. The book is not finished until you say so.
Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)
I was recently featured on the podcast “A Tiny Homestead.” If you’re interested in learning more about me and my writing, please listen here.
I’m a third of the way through the fifth revision of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?. During the revision process, the book has shrunk from 130,000 words to less than 100K. I’m now aiming for an April 21 release, with preorders starting on April 14. My subscribers will be able to preorder the ebook version of book 3 at a special discount. I’ll alert you when the time comes. 😀
The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.
All told, more than 8,400 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with an additional 40,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages(KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.
He's too busy, Jim! 🤣
Ilike the unpredictable mixture of reality and fantasy. A leading figure needs to get his eyes checked!