Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 13 | Book 2)
The 14th excerpt (including prologue) from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"
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Every Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming April 2024)
Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.
Here is a brief synopsis of book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 13 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: The great city Shima-Shi is engulfed in a poison mist, and it falls to Charlie and Garrick to ride to its rescue.
CHAPTER 13 | CLEARING THE AIR
Someone tapped Charlie on the shoulder.
It was still dark outside, but enough moonlight entered the room’s lone window to illuminate Garrick’s face. Charlie sat up and was about to speak, but Garrick shushed him and beckoned him to follow. The others still slept. Mal-Tal stood in the same place they were in when everyone else went to bed. But their eyes were alert.
Mayor James entered the room and gave Mal-Tal a silent salute. Garrick, Charlie, and Mal-Tal crept out of the room, trying their best not to make too much noise. Charlie grabbed his staff on the way out. Mayor James remained in the room. He watched them leave with an expression that resembled pity.
They left the town hall and started down one of the narrow cobblestone streets. Masao and Lingika joined them.
“Where are we going?” Charlie whispered.
“To the stables,” Garrick said. “They packed our provisions. We must ride immediately.”
“I didn’t agree to this,” Charlie said. “You and Azura are assuming a lot.”
Garrick chuckled uneasily. “You know me, Charlie. I don’t want to give you time to think.”
“In that case, you’re doing a good job.”
“Lord Charlie is correct,” Mal-Tal said. “He should do this by choice, not coercion.”
Garrick stopped and lowered his eyes. “Shima-Shi’s fate hangs in the balance, but so does yours. I’m in a rush because time runs short. But I won’t force you to come with me. You can return to the town hall.”
“Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands will perish in Shima-Shi,” Charlie said.
Garrick shrugged. “For once, it won’t be all my fault.”
“You mean it would be my fault?”
Garrick didn’t answer.
Charlie arched an eyebrow. “Why did James stay in the room with the others?”
“I don’t like to admit it, but Mayor James wields considerable magic,” Garrick said. “He remained in the room to watch over Zola and Virgil until dawn. He probably can’t protect them from the Niddukk as effectively as Mal-Tal can, but he’s clever enough to recognize trouble and wake them before it’s too late.”
This satisfied Charlie. “If I agree to go with you, what’s the plan?”
Masao chimed in. “There are dozens of horses in Karenu, but the pair the monks rode here was bred for speed and endurance. You will ride with Garrick on one. And Mal-Tal on the other. Lingika and I will follow on other horses, but your steeds will quickly surpass ours, so we will arrive at Shima-Shi at least half a day later than you.”
“Mal-Tal is coming with Garrick and me to be our bodyguard while we sleep?”
“I believe that is an accurate way to express my role in this gambit,” Mal-Tal said.
“Gambit,” Charlie said. “You make it sound like this is a game of chess.”
“Only in this game, the loser dies,” Garrick said. “How about it, Charlie? Are you going to play?”
End of excerpt.
Themes: Urgency; reluctance; selflessness.
Between the lines: I’ve had readers say to me:
“When I read, I just read. How do I read between the lines? I’m not even sure what that means.”
Here’s what I’ll usually say in return:
“The first thing you have to do is focus your attention on every word you read. Don’t skim along to get to the ‘good parts.’ You’ll never be able to read between the lines if you do that.”
Then I’ll say:
“Look for phrasing that seems just a little out of place, or that is subtly repetitive, or that pauses slightly and focuses attention on something that otherwise would seem insignificant. When you come upon these elements, ask yourself why the writer would insert them into the narrative.”
I have admitted a few times during this episodic journey that using my excerpts as examples has been limiting simply because they are excerpts and not full chapters. So often, the example I would love to show you comes in the middle or near the end of a chapter. But the above excerpt has one example of what I’m talking about:
“Gambit,” Charlie said. “You make it sound like this is a game of chess.”
“Only in this game, the loser dies,” Garrick said. “How about it, Charlie? Are you going to play?”
Book 3, especially, will play out like a game of chess, with each move carefully planned several moves in advance.
When you start to read like this instead of frivolously skimming, you will be able to interpret what’s going on beneath the surface. And your reading experience will be enhanced.
Writing tips: Another thing I’m often asked:
“How much do you plan in advance and how much of your writing is free-flowing?”
I like to use the surfer analogy:
“Professional surfers are in incredible physical shape. They have years of experience under a variety of conditions. And they have the best equipment money can buy. Every time they head out to sea, they bring all that with them. But when the next big wave comes, they still have to ride it, and each wave is different.”
Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12
Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue
The first draft is finished!
Around 5 p.m. yesterday, I finished the first draft of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?. It is almost 130,000 words, but I plan to shrink it to around 100K during the revision process. I’m now aiming for an April release.
The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.
All told, more than 8,300 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with an additional 36,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.