Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 8 | Book 2)

The ninth excerpt from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"

Jan 12, 2024

Every Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

In mid-October, I finished book 1 with an excerpt from its Epilogue. I have now restarted the process with book 2, starting with the Prologue. Last week, I featured Chapter 7.

DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming March 2024)

Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.

Here is a brief synopsis from book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 8 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: Charlie and his friends return to Pacchann but end up in an unexpected place swarming with monstrous spiders.

CHAPTER 8 | THE PAMPAS FIELDS
Garrick was heavier than he looked.
Zola and Virgil could barely hold his butt above the ground as they dragged him backward. If Charlie hadn’t grabbed his legs, Zola doubted she and Virgil could have moved him more than a couple of feet.
All three of them were crying. Even Garrick, though semiconscious, had tears in his eyes. What happened in the cave had terrified them. If Blue hadn’t shown up when he did, Zola could only imagine how much worse it might have been.
The portal was large enough so they could wear their backpacks without having to crawl. They barely had to hunch over. When she twisted her head and looked behind her, Zola could already see the end of the glowing tunnel. But instead of the bare stone of an underground chamber in Shima-Shi, Zola saw what appeared to be golden plants swaying in a breeze. Had Azura and his monks set up a portal inside of one of Shima-Shi’s gardens? If so, she would thank the Yati for being so thoughtful.
When they finally reached the end of the portal, all four of them got tangled up and fell crazily onto a cushioned bed of yellow flowers. A ring of plants fifteen feet tall surrounded them.
Confusion paralyzed them. The humid air was suffocatingly still even though the fluffy tops of the tall plants swayed in a mild breeze. Zola wished the breeze would find its way down to the ground. It was difficult to breathe.
Garrick mumbled, “Where’s Azura? Where’s Nobuo?”
“Your guess is as good as ours,” Zola said. She looked at Charlie and Virgil. “This doesn’t look like Shima-Shi. We’re lost again like the first time we came here. At least we’re together.”
“But we made it through the portal on time, didn’t we?” Virgil said. “We should be in Shima-Shi. What the heck happened?”
Garrick struggled to his feet. Blood covered the side of his face, but at least none of it appeared to be fresh. “I can’t believe it.”
“Believe what?” Zola said.
“We’re not in Shima-Shi.”
“Well, duh!” Zola said. “I’m sorry to be rude, but that’s obvious. The question is, where are we?”
“I don’t get it,” Garrick said, his voice almost a whisper. “This shouldn’t be.”
“Garrick, do you know where we are?” Charlie said.
“Yes, I think so. But I don’t understand why we’re here. Charlie, do you remember the dragon?”
“How could I forget?”
“Do you remember the fields of pampas grass that lined the beach near where we killed the dragon?”
“Yes, but—”
“That’s where we are. Only, I don’t think we’re close to the beach. We’re most likely several miles inland, and we’re surrounded by thousands of hectares of pampas grass so thick it’s going to be almost impossible to get out of it. And that doesn’t even include the spiders.”
“Spiders?” Zola said warily.
“Yes, only these aren’t ordinary spiders like you’d find in your garage in Lowery. These are enormous. Like the size of monster pickup trucks. And they are deadly. Just when I think things can’t get any worse, this happens. And I don’t even have my sword or crossbow. We have no weapons at all.”
End of excerpt.

Themes: Confusion; fear; dread; portents.

Between the lines: In real life, when you choose a destination but accidentally end up somewhere unfamiliar, it can produce a lot of anxiety. In a novel, this doesn’t happen by accident. The author uses this technique to purposely foment anxiety in the reader.

Writing tips: Some fantasy stories read like Tolkien Light. Wizards, elves, dwarfs, dragons, and orcs abound. But a lot of readers are tired of this, prompting authors to change directions and make up their own magical creatures that have never been seen before on the written page. (Or at least, that’s the plan.)

This is all well and good. But in my opinion, it’s okay for the author to compromise by blending in new creations with the more established ones.

For instance, spiders will rarely fail you.

Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)

Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)

Promotional notes

If you want another epic fantasy book to add to your TBR pile, you can enter to win my book, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MONSTERS?, on @BookSweeps today — plus 30 exciting Epic, Sword and Sorcery Fantasy novels from a great collection of authors... AND a brand new eReader :D

Here’s the link 👉 https://bit.ly/epic-fantasy-jan24

Do You Believe in Magic? was recently named November Book of the Month in BEST FANTASY by Many Books, a popular promotional site that was founded in 2004.

The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.

As of Jan. 11, I’ve written almost 80,000 words of the first draft of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?. I was aiming for a late February release, but realistically it will be closer to late March. Book 3 is coming along beautifully, but it is testing my mettle.

All told, more than 7,800 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with more than 32,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.

David Perlmutter

Enormous, deadly spiders? Like Shelob in "The Lord of the Rings"?

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1 reply by Jim Melvin

Daniel O’Donnell

I’m beginning to dabble with some fantasy short stories, Jim and, like you said, I was initially wary of including monsters or races that I had come across in Tolkien or D&D. Then, I just thought, if it works in the story I’d just go for it. It’s my story after all! 😁

I’ll hopefully get around to publishing them soon so be interested to get your thoughts on how successful or otherwise I’ve been

In the meantime, good luck with the third book. Hope it’s coming along well 👍🏼

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