Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 5 | Book 2)
The sixth excerpt from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"
Every Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
Earlier this month, I finished book 1 titled Do You Believe in Magic? with an excerpt from its Epilogue. I have now restarted the process with book 2. Last week, I featured Chapter 4.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming February 2024)
Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.
Here is a brief synopsis from book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 5 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: Charlie and his friends are questioned by the school principal about some mysterious goings-on at their school.
CHAPTER 5 | MISSING IN ACTION
Garrick’s hectic departure created quite a fuss.
Charlie and Zola were called out of Language Arts after lunch and escorted to Principal Martin’s office. Virgil was already sitting there, but there was no sign of Gord.
“Please sit down,” Mr. Martin said, gesturing toward two open chairs. Then he gave the three of them long looks. Charlie assumed this was a “principal thing” designed to frighten any students called into his office. Normally, this would have scared Charlie. But he had recently fought monsters that would have turned Mr. Martin’s black hair gray. The middle school principal was tame in comparison.
Mr. Martin settled his gaze on Zola. It appeared she would be the first to face the inquisitor.
“Miss Scyler, how are you today?”
“I’m okay, Mr. Martin. Thank you for asking.”
“Certainly.” He paused for effect and then said: “Do you know why I’ve called you here today? You haven’t been in my office before, as far as I can remember.”
Zola surprised Charlie by saying, “Yes, Mr. Martin. I do know why you called me here.” Virgil looked surprised too.
“Please go on,” the principal said.
“You called me—us—here to talk about Gord’s bullying. And I appreciate you doing this because it has gotten bad.”
Charlie barely resisted letting out a snort. This was certainly not what he had expected Zola to say. But he was curious to hear how Mr. Martin would react.
“It’s interesting you should say that.” He wrote something on a yellow pad. “I’ve made a note of it, and we can pursue this matter further on another day. But that is not why I need to talk to you today.”
He turned to Virgil.
“Mr. Flynn.” Charlie finally knew Virgil’s last name.
“Sir?”
“Do you know why I called you here today?”
“I thought it was Gord too,” Virgil said.
“Hmmm.” The principal turned to Charlie. “Mr. Magus?”
“Yes?”
“My question …”
“Which question?”
The principal cleared his throat.
“Do you know why I’ve called you here today?”
“I don’t know what else it would be other than to talk about the Gord problem.”
“The Gord problem …”
“Yes sir.”
“We have another problem, Mr. Magus. A far more serious problem.”
“It must be pretty bad because Gord is a very serious problem to us.”
Until this point, Mr. Martin had maintained his composure, but he suddenly became irritated.
“I’m not sure why the three of you are playing games with me, but you all know damn … er … darn well why you’re here. I need you to tell me what you know about Garrick Harding. The boy skipped school today and broke one of our most ironclad rules by entering the lunchroom without permission. Then he ran off, and he is still missing. His father is extremely upset. He has already lost one son. He doesn’t want to lose another. Can you blame him?”
He stopped and stared at them. There was a period of uncomfortable silence.
“Well?” Mr. Martin said.
“What is it you’d like to know?” Zola said.
“What I would like to know, Miss Scyler, is what the three of you can tell me about Mr. Harding’s whereabouts.”
“How should I know where he is?” Zola said. “I hope he’s okay, though. He’s quiet and kind of weird, but at least he doesn’t pick on kids a lot smaller than him like Gord does. Not that anyone ever does anything about it. Gord has been picking on Virgil and me since elementary school.”
Mr. Martin made a big show of tapping on his notepad. “As I said, Miss Scyler, we will revisit the subject of Gord Boseman’s behavior at a future time. Right now, we have a serious problem on our hands. Mr. Harding could be in danger.”
When Charlie heard the principal say Garrick could be in danger, he had to resist the urge to snort again. Garrick was indeed in danger, but the principal didn’t have the slightest clue how severe it was.
“I can tell you one thing,” Charlie said.
“Yes?” Mr. Martin seemed tantalized.
“This past Friday, one of Gord’s bullies threatened me outside of the boys bathroom, and the kid you’re talking about came over and helped me. Other than Garrick, no one has helped me since I’ve been here, not even a teacher. I don’t know Garrick very well, but I appreciate what he did.”
“You don’t know him?”
“Other than that, no.”
“Why was he talking to you at lunch today?”
“He and Gord were getting into something,” Charlie said. “To be honest, I was on Garrick’s side for sure.”
Mr. Martin slammed his beefy fist on his desk.
“You’re excused! Return to your classrooms and don’t talk to each other on the way. And if you somehow remember something that wasn’t discussed here, ask for a hall pass and return to my office immediately. For now, we are finished. Get out.”
End of excerpt.
Themes: Bullying; friendship; loyalty; secrecy.
Between the lines: Sometimes kids can be more mature than their adult counterparts. How can this be? Doesn’t wisdom come with age? Not necessarily. Wisdom is a product of psychological growth, and some grow more quickly than others. The trick is to identify why this might be.
Writing tips: If you’ve been reading along, you’ll know I’ve harped a lot about maintaining the integrity of point of view. In Dark Circles, I am using third-person limited almost exclusively.
But one of the great things about third-person limited is that writers have the ability to ramp up or ease its intensity. The scene above is written through Charlie’s eyes, yet it feels almost omniscient. That’s because the more the reader gets to know your characters, the more he or she can sense what a character is thinking, even if they are not the POV’s focus.
This is surprisingly similar to how you can sense what your spouse, sibling, parent, or child is thinking.
Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4
Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue
Promotional notes
The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link and are currently on promotion for 99 cents.
As of Dec. 21, I’ve written about 56,000 words of the first draft of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?.
All told, more than 7,500 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with more than 30,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.