Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 7 | Book 2)
The eighth excerpt from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"
Every Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
In mid-October, I finished book 1 with an excerpt from its Epilogue. I have now restarted the process with book 2, starting with the Prologue. Last week, I featured Chapter 6.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming February 2024)
Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.
Here is a brief synopsis from book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 7 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: Charlie and his friends journey along a creek on their way to revisit the magical waterfall.
CHAPTER 7 | ENCOUNTER AT THE WATERFALL
Charlie woke to a Sunday morning of regret.
He was sad, confused, and guilty: sad because Garrick and Virgil were returning to a dangerous land and probably wouldn’t come back; confused because he remained torn over his decision to stay in Lowery; guilty because an entire world depended on him and he was too cowardly to ride to its rescue.
How did he get himself into this? It was all he could do just to get out of bed.
The plan was to meet Zola and Virgil at the swimming hole at 9, which would give them enough time to reach the waterfall before noon when the portal opened for Virgil and Garrick.
Charlie walked downstairs about 8. Mawmaw was cooking a big breakfast. Poppy drank coffee. His mom still slept.
“Good mornin’,” Mawmaw said. “I’m glad you’re going to eat before going on your walk.”
“Thanks, Mawmaw. It sure smells good.”
Mawmaw served him a plate. Then she leaned down and whispered in Charlie’s ear: “Your Poppy is worried about something.”
“I heard that,” Poppy said.
Charlie immediately thought it was something about his mom.
“What is it, Poppy?”
“Probably nothing. It’s just that Blue didn’t come home last night,” his grandfather said. “He has done this a couple of times before, so it’s probably no big deal. But he’s usually good about returning home before the sun rises.”
“We’ll look for him along the creek,” Charlie said. “If we find him, do you want me to come back home?”
“Tell Blue to go home and he will,” Poppy said. Then he added: “I’m glad you’re going on this hike this morning. It makes me feel a little better.”
For once, Charlie got to the swimming hole on time. Zola and Virgil weren’t there, but neither was Blue. Charlie sat down and waited. For a moment he thought he saw something moving in the bushes, but he wrote it off as his imagination. He was on edge, that’s for sure.
Zola and Virgil showed up at the same time. Both looked like they had been crying again. They greeted each other with their eyes, but no one spoke. What was there to say that would make it any better?
The walk along the creek seemed more like a death march than an adventure. Charlie finally broke the silence.
“Blue didn’t come home this morning, so Poppy asked us to look for him during our hike.”
This caught Virgil’s attention. “I hope he’s okay. What if he got hurt fighting a monster in Pacchann?”
“Don’t even say that!” Charlie said.
“You could get hurt there too,” Zola added.
“I’m still going. If Blue is hurt, I’ll save him.”
After that, they walked in silence until they reached the fork in the creek. The last time they were here, they stopped to rest. This time they kept going, trudging like chained prisoners with heads down and shoulders slumped.
“I guess Garrick will be at the waterfall waiting for us,” Zola said, trying to sound lighthearted. “Blue could be there with him. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t come home yet. He’s keeping Garrick company.”
This gave Charlie a burst of hope. If he found Blue safe with Garrick, it would make him extremely happy. But if Blue disobeyed Charlie’s commands and followed Garrick and Virgil into the portal, there’d be no way Charlie could stop him. That would make him feel even sadder than he already did.
So much to worry about, so little time.
End of excerpt.
Themes: Farewells; dread; guilt; fate.
Between the lines: Fate is often defined as “a power that is believed to control what happens in the future” or “the development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.” In a novel, the characters’ fates are determined by the author, and once the novel is finished, they are set in stone. I find this kind of “power” to be among the most rewarding aspects of writing fiction.
Writing tips: In posting these excerpts, I’ve run into two issues that I didn’t expect when I first started with the prologue of book 1.
The meat of my chapters almost always comes in the middle or end. (In other words, you’re not seeing the best parts in these excerpts.) To be honest, I have no idea if this is good or bad. Do most authors structure their chapters this way? Or is this a quirk of mine?
Despite my books undergoing ten-plus revisions, being edited by two professionals, and being read by three strong beta readers, I still see things in the excerpts that I might like to tweak. I’m hoping this is typical of most authors.
I suppose this doesn’t really qualify as a writing tip, other than to remind myself that eventually I have to let it go and move on with my writing and my life.
Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6
Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue
Promotional notes
Do You Believe in Magic? was recently named November Book of the Month in BEST FANTASY by Many Books, a popular promotional site that was founded in 2004.
The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.
As of Jan. 4, 2024, I’ve written about 70,000 words of the first draft of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?.
All told, more than 7,500 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with more than 30,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.
Hi Mark! Well, I personally know of five readers ages 9, 11, 11, and 12, 12 who have read the series (with permission from their parents). And I was told that all five of them enjoyed the first two books. The series contains no sex (a kiss on the cheek or two and that's it). And no profanity (I think I used dammit once and crap another time). It does have violence, but no graphic descriptions of heads being lopped off, etc. I would compare it to the last couple of Harry Potter books in that regard. Scary but not overly so. Anyway, I hope this helps and thanks for asking! 😀
Jim ... my 11 year old grand daughter is getting into ebooks; would you judge these as 'age appropriate' or would it be too soon for her?