Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 12 | Book 2)

The 13th excerpt (including prologue) from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"

Feb 09, 2024

Welcome to my new subscribers!

Every Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming April 2024)

Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.

Here is a brief synopsis of book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.

Below are the opening paragraphs* of Chapter 12 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

* Note: The opening paragraphs of Chapter 12 contained a spoiler, so this week’s excerpt was lifted from the middle of the chapter.

Context: Charlie, Garrick, and their friends have survived their journey through the forest Pa Cha Ray and are now headed across a grassy plain toward the safety of a city named Karenu.

green leafed tree at daytime — Photo by Samuel Pagel on Unsplash

CHAPTER 12 | JOURNEY TO KARENU
Instead of Garrick leading the way, Lingika took charge. Garrick walked with slumped shoulders. Charlie couldn’t stand it anymore. He slowed down until Garrick caught up to him. Zola saw what he was doing and joined him. Blue kept watch off to the side.
“Garrick, what’s going on?” Charlie said, hoping he was being quiet enough for only Garrick and Zola to hear.
Garrick lowered his eyes and at first didn’t answer. But he finally said, “I’m tired, Charlie. Not sleepy tired, like I usually am. This is more like I’m losing my will to fight. Considering what I’ve done to my dad this past week and what happened yesterday inside Pa Cha Ray, I’ve lost faith in myself. Even if I get to Shima-Shi, what use will I be to anyone there? Everything I do ends up in a mess. People lose their minds because of me. People die because of me. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. You’ve reminded me before that I’m a kid just like you, and I’ve tried to pretend I’m not. But you were right. I am a kid, and this is too much for me. If it weren’t for Kate, I’d return to Lowery with you tomorrow morning and never come back.”
“Maybe you should come back with us,” Charlie said. “You could go home and tell your dad the truth. Or at least try again to convince him of it.”
Garrick chuckled mournfully. “If it were only that easy. Depending on how drunk he was, he would either call the cops or the psycho ward. I already tried to show him the waterfall once, remember? If I went back to my house now, I might never get back to Pacchann. Or at least, I wouldn’t be allowed to return when I wanted to. By then, it would be too late—for Pacchann. And for Kate and me.”
“You could return to Lowery if you need to and continue to camp by the waterfall,” Zola said.
Garrick paused and even managed a slight smile. His eyes brightened as if he had suddenly experienced a revelation. “Believe it or not, you guys have helped me think this through. No matter how pathetic I act or whiny I get, the bottom line is I’m in this for the long run. And if Mal-Tal can continue to make it possible for me to sleep while I’m here, then I might not have to return to Lowery at all. I just need to suck it up and act like a grownup.”
“You’re more grown up than most of the grownups I know,” Charlie said.
“No doubt,” Zola agreed.
Garrick inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. He shook his fist. “Lord Gar is back!” he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. Then he used his long legs to stride to the front of the company.
Zola gave Charlie a questioning look.
“If he says he’s back, I guess he’s back,” Charlie said with a shrug.
After that, they walked for many miles, stopping just once to rest and eat. By mid-afternoon, they reached the Maena River. A slew of Veldmen and ordinary river people joined them as escorts, each trying to appear more important than the other. Apparently, the Dvi were revered even this far north.
A barge-like craft awaited them.
“What time do you think it is in Lowery right now?” Charlie said to Zola.
“Funny, I was thinking the same thing. I’m guessing 3:30, which means I’ll be returning to Lowery pretty late. I hope Dad doesn’t worry too much.”
“If Virgil stays, you and I are going to have a lot more to worry about once his parents sound the alarm. I was thinking we should say we separated at the swimming hole and that’s the last either of us saw of him. But no matter what we say, the entire town is going to freak, don’t you think?”
“I can hear you guys,” Virgil said from about twenty feet away. “You wouldn’t make good spies.”
End of excerpt.

Themes: Regret; exhaustion; unity.

Between the lines: Most authors—myself included—prefer to vary sentence length in rhythmic fashion. However, there are times when I’ll exclusively use short, simple sentences for relatively long stretches of the narrative. I do this to create urgency, haste, and tension. And then when I want to slow things down, I’ll return to blending in more complex sentences.

Writing tips: Context is crucially important to how a reader experiences a written work. I’m the type who always reads a book from page 1 to the last page. I don’t skip around. However, before I start a new book, I like to turn to, say, page 30 and read a paragraph or two, and do the same for a page in the middle of the book and also somewhere near the end.

The reason I enjoy doing this is because when I then read the book for real and eventually come upon the small sections that I read before I started, I find it fascinating how much different my reaction is now that I’m reading them with context.

What this teaches is that an author earns his or her voice via the flow of the story and that any given segment can lack relevance when context is removed from the equation.

Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)

Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)

**For my subscribers only, here is an early sneak-peek at the cover of Book 3 titled** **Do You Believe in Miracles?**

Promotional notes

The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link. The ebook version of book 1 is free today only.

As of Feb. 8, I’ve written about 116,000 words of the first draft of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?. I am now aiming for an April release.

All told, more than 7,800 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with more than 35,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.

Jim Melvin's Realms of Fantasy

Discussion about this post