Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 11 | Book 2)
The 12th excerpt (including prologue) from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"
Welcome to my new subscribers!
Every Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
In mid-October, I finished book 1 with an excerpt from its Epilogue. I have now restarted the process with book 2, starting with the Prologue. Last week, I featured Chapter 10.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming March 2024)
Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.
Here is a brief synopsis of book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 11 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: Charlie and his friends journey to Karenu in search of safety but first have to pass through the heart of an enchanted forest called Pa Cha Ray.
CHAPTER 11 | PA CHA RAY
The time had come to enter.
The company gathered at the doorway that led into Pa Cha Ray. All the Dvi—including Malina and Tali—were blended, apparently feeling they needed to be at their strongest for the next leg of the journey.
It pleased Zola to see that Pa Cha Ray seemed less intimidating this morning than it had the previous evening, looking more like an ordinary forest than a haunted one. Though the trees were densely packed, she could still see several hundred feet into the interior.
Garrick stood in front of the opening and gave a Lord Gar version of a speech—something that would earn him about a C-minus in speech and debate class. He held a spear that a Veldman must have gifted to him. Virgil also had a spear, but the knife remained in his backpack. Before Garrick spoke, one of the Dvi approached Zola and handed her a spear. It was heavy but well-balanced. She bowed in thanks.
“We’re about to enter a dangerous place,” Garrick said. “And not even the Dvi know what we might encounter. On its borders near the grasslands, Pa Cha Ray is safe. If evil awaits us, it will most likely show itself when we’re in the heart of the forest. But I believe if we stay on the trail and move fast, we’ll be able to pass through Pa Cha Ray without too much trouble. As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve done so myself. If we’re assaulted, we must remember who we are. We’ll fight back with all our strength. I believe it will be enough.”
In response, the Dvi hummed. The sound rose and fell like a crashing wave.
“Yaaa!” Virgil shouted. Then he looked around sheepishly. “Yaaa?”
Zola whispered to herself: “Doofus.”
Garrick wasn’t quite finished. “We may be strong, but speed will be our best ally. With Yodhin warriors at my side, I’ve passed through Pa Cha Ray in eight hours. Today, I’ll be happy with twelve. If so, there will still be plenty of light when we enter the prairie on the east side of the forest. Once there, the rest of the journey to Karenu should be far less difficult.”
Garrick turned and entered the doorway, with Blue, Killer, and Virgil on his heels. Then came the Dvi. Charlie and Zola took up the rear. Zola stopped and took a quick photo with her phone.
Charlie surprised her by taking her hand. “For better or worse,” he said. Zola blushed mightily.
Charlie laughed. “I only dared say that because Virgil is too far away to hear.”
This made Zola laugh too.
When she entered the forest, wonderment replaced laughter. Pa Cha Ray was unlike any forest she had seen in Lowery. Though she had no memory of the brief early period of her life in Thailand, this forest reminded her more of the tropical forests of her birthplace. Before her adoptive mom died, she and Zola had watched documentaries about Thailand, including its wondrous rainforests filled with fascinating animals and lush vegetation.
Zola took more photos, wondering whether any of them would still be visible on her phone when she returned to Lowery. Would passing through the portal erase them? She hoped not.
Within a couple hundred feet, the dry breezes of the grasslands gave way to hot and humid stillness. Though the forest blocked out most of the sun, Zola sweated profusely. It wasn’t long before her hair and clothes were drenched. The air was so thick it was difficult to take a full breath. And though the trail was wide, tangled tree branches formed a relatively low roof over the top of it. She felt like she was walking in a tunnel bored through a mountain that was just large enough to handle a train.
Uh oh. Here comes Mr. Claustrophobia creeping up on me again.
“Are you okay?”
Zola squealed. “Jeez, Charlie. Sometimes you startle me worse than Virgil does.”
Up ahead, they heard Garrick shout, “Keep moving! And drink as much water as you want. There’s no lack of it here.”
“Yes sir!” Virgil responded.
“Doofus,” Zola and Charlie said in unison. They both giggled. The lighthearted moment helped calm Zola’s anxiety.
Mal-Tal joined them, along with two other Dvi.
“Would you mind if we walk behind you?” Mal-Tal said. “We know Pa Cha Ray better than most.”
“Please do,” Zola said. “Charlie and I can use all the help we can get.”
End of excerpt.
Themes: Enchantment; mystery; foreboding.
Between the lines: My style of writing has been described as visual, which to me is a high compliment. What’s my secret?
Take a look at the bolded words below from today’s excerpt:
When she entered the forest, wonderment replaced laughter. Pa Cha Ray was unlike any forest she had seen in Lowery. Though she had no memory of the brief early period of her life in Thailand, this forest reminded her more of the tropical forests of her birthplace. Before her adoptive mom died, she and Zola had watched documentaries about Thailand, including its wondrous rainforests filled with fascinating animals and lush vegetation.
Within a couple hundred feet, the dry breezes of the grasslands gave way to hot and humid stillness. Though the forest blocked out most of the sun, Zola sweated profusely. It wasn’t long before her hair and clothes were drenched. The air was so thick it was difficult to take a full breath. And though the trail was wide, tangled tree branches formed a relatively low roof over the top of it. She felt like she was walking in a tunnel bored through a mountain that was just large enough to handle a train.
A writer’s choice of nouns, adjectives, and verbs conveys a distinct visual style and message.
Since excerpts are limited by definition, I have better examples of this throughout my series than what you see here. But I think you get the picture.
Writing tips: How important is external research—versus life experience—to the outcome of a novel? It depends, of course, on what you’re writing about. For example, if you’ve ever worked in a bank, your on-the-job experience would make it easier for you to write a story about a bank robbery. However, if you’ve never worked in a bank, you’ll have to conduct a lot more external research to make the robbery believable and compelling.
For the excerpt above (and the rest of the chapter that follows), I spent a few hours researching different types of forests. But I also had some life experience on this subject. I once worked as the communications director for the College of Science at Clemson University where I interviewed several scientists whose research focused on forests. The combination of external research and life experience made me confident I could come up with something that would fascinate my readers without sounding foolish to a dendrologist.
All this said, I didn’t empty my notebook. Never do that, IMO. External research and life experience are tools that will influence and enrich your voice, not take charge of it.
Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10
Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue
Promotional notes
The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.
As of Feb. 1, I’ve written about 105,000 words of the first draft of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?. I am now aiming for a late March or early April release. Book 3 is coming along beautifully, but it is testing my mettle.
All told, more than 7,800 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with more than 35,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.