Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 14 | Book 2)
The 15th excerpt (including prologue) from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"
Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming April 2024)
Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.
Here is a brief synopsis of book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 14 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: Charlie returns to Lowery and is surprised by who greets him.
CHAPTER 14 | THE HOSPITAL
Charlie returned to Lowery by himself.
When he emerged from the portal into the cave by the waterfall, he didn’t know what to expect. Maybe Blue would be there. That would be awesome. Maybe Gord would be waiting for him. That would be terrible.
Neither were there. The cave was empty—and mostly dark. He could usually see some light coming from behind the rushing water, but it also appeared to be dark outside. That shouldn’t be. Charlie was guessing it couldn’t be later than 7 o’clock in Lowery, and this time of year it stayed light until at least 8:15. Had he misfigured this badly? When he plunged through the waterfall into the pond, he discovered it was pouring rain. This explained the darkness, but it made him feel even more miserable. The rain could provide Gord with plenty of cover. And even if Gord wasn’t around, it would make for a wretched walk back to Poppy’s house where he would be greeted by three adults most likely crazed with fear. He didn’t know what he was going to tell them. He could lie and say he had gotten lost in the forest but even if they believed him, they wouldn’t let him go out there again. Or he could tell them the truth, and they would check him into a mental hospital. Neither option was appealing.
When Charlie started up the path, the rain came down harder, making the footing even more treacherous. Halfway up, something huge bounded out of the deluge and leaped toward him. Charlie screamed with terror, but then with delight. It was Blue, come to greet him.
Blue almost knocked Charlie over. He laughed and petted his dog’s soaked head and neck. At least now, safety would be less of an issue.
Charlie and Blue reached the top of the path and started the two-hour-plus walk toward home. With the pounding rain and the approaching darkness, it would be a hazardous hike. And Charlie was already weary, having barely slept the previous 24 hours—in Pacchann time—before leaving Shima-Shi. Plus, he was scared to death of what awaited him. Would the house be crawling with police?
Another large figure approached. This time, Charlie was convinced it was Gord come to finish him. But this person was taller—and thicker—than Gord. To Charlie’s surprise, Poppy emerged from the darkness, wearing his yellow raincoat.
“Poppy, I’m sorry … I got lost!” Charlie shouted, hating the lie but not knowing what else to say.
Poppy’s response stunned him. “Hush, boy. None of that. Let’s get you back to the house and out of this confounded rain.”
“How did you know where to find me?”
“I know a lot of things. But there’s no time for chatter. Follow me. I know a shortcut.”
No time for chatter? That sounded overly familiar.
Thankfully, the rain eased up. Within a couple of minutes, there was no rain at all, but mist choked the air. It reminded Charlie of the fumes at Shima-Shi, though this mist didn’t feel evil.
Poppy barreled into a tangle of thorny brush, forging an opening wide enough for Charlie and Blue to walk through single file. It reminded Charlie of the way Virgil had smashed through the dense pampas grass. Only, Poppy was bigger. Though Charlie had known his grandfather was strong, he still considered him to be an old man who would tire quickly. But Poppy didn’t slow down at all. He went on this way for almost half an hour. Then to Charlie’s amazement, they were suddenly in Poppy’s back yard. They had made it there in a quarter of the time it would have taken him to follow the creek to the swimming hole. Or maybe he was so out of it, it only seemed that way.
There was no mist around Poppy’s house. The air was clear—and warm. Charlie questioned whether he was hallucinating. Why wasn’t Poppy freaked out? When Charlie had first entered Pacchann, he believed he was dreaming. Now he questioned whether he was still in Pacchann and dreaming he was in Lowery.
Poppy, Blue, and Charlie entered through the back door of the screened porch. Charlie expected his mom to race out, overjoyed he was okay but also screaming at him to tell her why he was so late. But his mom wasn’t there. When he walked into the living room, three people sat there. But it wasn’t the three Charlie had expected. Instead of walking in to find Poppy, Mawmaw, and his mom, he saw Mawmaw, Zola, and Virgil. And sitting calmly beside Virgil was Killer.
What the …?
“Hey, darlin’,” Mawmaw said. “Welcome home.”
Charlie stood in the living room dripping wet.
Zola and Virgil smiled at him.
“Yes, darlin’. Welcome home!” Zola said with a smirk.
Virgil added, “I like it better here than in Pacchann. Your Mawmaw is the best cook in the world!”
“Huh?”
“Boy, go upstairs and put on some dry clothes,” Poppy said to Charlie. “When you come back down, the five of us will have a chat.”
“Where’s mom?”
“We’ll talk about that too. But don’t worry, she’s okay.”
“I am worried!”
“Do you trust me, boy?”
“Yes, Poppy.”
“Then do as you’re told. Or rather, do as I ask. When you come back down, I’ll explain some things to you. It’ll help you make sense of it all. At least, I hope it will.”
End of excerpt.
Themes: Peril; cleansing; trust.
Between the lines: What does rain symbolize? A lot of things, including rebirth, melancholy, foreboding, or cleansing. As a writer’s tool, it can also be a simple but effective way to insert a pause in the action, which is what I used it for in the excerpt above.
Writing tips: If you put your readers through a lot of tense moments, they will require periods of relief. It can’t be all bad news all the time. An author can earn kudos by blending in good news when it’s least expected. This has two benefits: Obviously, it helps to relieve the tension; but it also reinforces the trust between the reader and author that not everything is doom and gloom.
Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13
Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue
Promotional notes
I am about two-thirds through the first revision of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?. It has already shrunk from 130,000 words to 120K. By the time the smoke clears, it will probably end up around 100K. I’m now aiming for an April 21 release, with preorders starting on April 14. My subscribers will be able to preorder the ebook version of book 3 at a special discount. I’ll alert you when the time comes. 😀
The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.
All told, more than 8,300 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with an additional 40,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.