Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 17 | Book 2)

The 18th excerpt (including prologue) from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"

Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming April 21, 2024)

Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.

Here is a brief synopsis of book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 17 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: The Niddukk’s army of monsters stands at the feet of Shima-Shi.

CHAPTER 17 | PARLEY WITH A DEMON

Garrick paced in front of the portal.

His impatience increased with every passing minute. Azura, Sahoota, Nobuo, Masao, Lingika, and Mal-Tal were also there. The two monks and three warriors stood perfectly still.

“They’re not coming,” Garrick said.

“The Yellow One promised,” Azura said.

Garrick spat. “The Yellow One! He’s never promised me anything. I’ve never even seen him. Why doesn’t he show himself to me? Am I that unimportant? I’m only the leader of our entire army.”

“He has never shown himself to me,” Nobuo said.

“Me either,” Masao and Lingika said in unison.

“I have never seen him,” Sahoota said.

“He speaks to us in legend,” Mal-Tal said. “But we have never seen him.”

Azura snickered. “I guess I am the only ‘important’ one among us. I have spoken with him many times.”

“Maybe you’re decrepit and just think you’ve spoken to him,” Garrick said. But he was joking, and Azura knew it. They had bantered like this often.

In these times, levity was in short supply. Garrick continued to pace. When he was about to give up and return to the wall-walk of Shima-Shi, the portal glowed brightly. Virgil spilled out, followed by Killer. The rest of them came after: Zola, Charlie, Blue, and Mayor James. The latter was a bit of a surprise but then again, maybe not. James was unpredictable. Garrick found him to be annoying because he always seemed to go his own way, no matter what else was happening. But Garrick admitted James often came in handy and suspected the mayor was even more powerful than he let on. Garrick was in no position to be picky about his choice of allies.

“Welcome to Shima-Shi,” Azura said. He stepped forward and handed Charlie his ivory staff. “Much has occurred since you were last here, Lord Charlie. And I’m afraid none of it is good. You saved us from the fumes, which was no small feat. But that was only the Niddukk’s opening salvo.”

James pounded forward. Garrick grimaced.

Here we go.

“Azura, is that how you greet such distinguished guests?” James said. “There are greats among us. Shouldn’t there be a parade or something? Hee hee.”

“And food!” Virgil said.

“Shut up, doofus,” Zola said.

“I’m hungry.”

“You just got here. How could you already be hungry?”

“Enough!” Garrick said. “As Azura said, we welcome you. And it’s wonderful to see you, and all that. But as Azura also said, a lot has happened. Before we hold parades and gorge on food, I need you to come with me and see for yourselves. It isn’t pretty.”

“Garrick, you look more rested than usual,” Charlie said. “Have you been back to Lowery to sleep?”

“I haven’t been back since you left, Charlie. It has been more than two weeks. But Mal-Tal have regained their strength and enabled me to sleep a couple of hours each night. Besides, the Niddukk is preoccupied with the war. It’s ironic, I guess, but this is the best I’ve slept since I first came to Pacchann. Yet our situation has never been worse.”

Garrick smacked the hilt of his sword, which Riko had once wielded. “As Azura loves to say, enough chatter! You will understand just how dire things are when you look for yourselves. From the top of Shima-Shi’s bulwark, you will see the far shore and what stands upon it.”

Garrick led them up a long flight of stairs that angled left and right before reaching the surface. When they entered the cobbled streets of Shima-Shi, the sun was bright and the sky clear. Garrick could smell smoke in the air, but at least this was ordinary smoke.

Garrick walked faster than most people. Even Nobuo had trouble keeping up. The interior stairs that led to the top of Shima-Shi’s towering bulwark were not for the timid. They were wide and deep but had no exterior rail. Anyone with a fear of heights would have had difficulty managing them. Halfway up, Garrick turned and looked down. It surprised him to see everyone was right behind him—except for Zola. She was still near the bottom.

“Zola, hurry up! I need to show you this,” he called to her.

“I think I’ll just stay here,” she yelled back. “You guys can fill me in later.”

“Oh, jeez!” Virgil said.

Garrick stomped his foot on the hard stone stair. “Zola, there’s no time for this!”

“Uh, Garrick. I already tried that one,” Virgil said. “It doesn’t work.”

Garrick stomped his foot again. “Nobuo!”

The warrior raced down to Zola. “You’ll be up there before you know it, mistress. Just like when we first met on Ogha.”

Garrick expected her to protest. But surprisingly, she climbed onto Nobuo’s back. Zola had grown to trust him, which was a smart move. Garrick trusted Nobuo more than anyone else in Pacchann.

Garrick continued to the top of the bulwark. When he reached the wall-walk, several warriors greeted him.

“Updates?” Garrick said.

“Nothing since you were last here. The enemy awaits a sign.”

Garrick peered over the wall. From this vantage point a hundred feet above the ground, he could see ten miles, which was more than enough to reveal what lay beyond the shores of Lake Shima-Shi. Garrick had grown used to looking at it, but he heard the others gasp.

An army as vast as a forest lined the shore and extended far back toward the distant mountains.

Garrick looked at Charlie. “What do you see?”

“I see what you see. Maybe not as clearly, but it’s clear enough. An army far larger than anything we can hope to handle is camped outside our door.”

“We can take them,” Virgil said.

Not even the usually jovial Mayor James laughed at this. “Lord Gar, this is beyond our capabilities. We cannot stand against such might. What shall we do? Is surrender our only option?”

“Surrender is not an option,” Garrick said bluntly. “Death in battle would be preferable to being the Niddukk’s slave.”

Even as he spoke, a loud flapping sound caught their attention. A winged creature approached that looked even larger than Ud.

Several dozen warriors aimed their crossbows.

“Hold!” Garrick said. “Do not attack unless I give the command.”

The flying creature grew closer. What they saw was horrible and familiar at the same time.

End of excerpt.

Themes: Insurmountable odds; the inevitable; trusting to fate.

Between the lines: If you define readers as ordinary people, it opens a lot of possibilities. By ordinary, I don’t mean less important/talented/insightful than authors. What I mean is that readers have the same set of emotions as the rest of us, which provides authors with a potent opportunity to manipulate their readers’ emotional reactions to danger, fear, sorrow, joy … and the list goes on.

Horror writers such as Stephen King are masters of this. King is so great, he can come close to replicating the same terror you would feel if you really were alone in a dark room with a thirsty vampire. In my case, I am attempting to replicate the same terror you would feel if you stood on top of a bulwark and looked down at a bloodthirsty army bent on your destruction.

It’s a grand power, but not one to be taken lightly or to be used in nefarious fashion.

Writing tips: As readers, who among us hasn’t fallen in love with a character in a book? Who among us hasn’t cried when that character suffered or even died? Who among us hasn’t cheered when that character achieved his or her dreams?

From short stories to novels to multi-book series, character development is what makes the world go round. And by development, I mean that you will know the character better on page 100 than on page 1. And in the case of a series, better on page 1,000 than on page 100.

At its finest, character development brings fictional people to life. They become dynamic. They become real. (In a Frankenstein’s monster kind of way.)

Many books have been written about how to develop characters. I recommend that writers read as many of them as time permits.

Already, you know me as someone who cares about character development. Do you have a picture of me in your mind?

Gotcha !

Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16

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Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue

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Promotional notes

I was recently featured on the podcast “A Tiny Homestead.” If you’re interested in learning more about me and my writing, please listen here.

I’m halfway through the sixth revision of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?. This is the revision where I read the entire book out loud (my cat thinks I’ve gone nuts), so don’t chastise me for being a bit hoarse. During the revision process, the book has shrunk from 130,000 words to less than 97K. I’m now aiming for an April 21 release, with preorders starting on April 14. My subscribers will be able to preorder the ebook version of book 3 at a special discount. I’ll alert you when the time comes. 😀

The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.

All told, more than 8,400 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with an additional 40,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.