Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 18 | Book 2)

The 19th excerpt (including prologue) from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"

Mar 22, 2024

Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming April 21, 2024; preorder on April 14)

Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.

Here is a brief synopsis of book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 18 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: The great city Shima-Shi prepares for war.

CHAPTER 18 | THE WAR BEGINS
Charlie and Garrick received a hero’s welcome.
Thousands lined the shore and cheered. When Charlie climbed out of the boat, Zola was there to hug him. And Blue and Killer danced around like happy lunatics.
“What happened out there?” she said.
“Nothing good,” Charlie said. “But nothing worse than expected. Garrick thinks the war is going to start, like, now.”
Speaking of Garrick, warriors and monks surrounded him, asking a slew of questions.
“Amanussa offered terms of surrender,” Garrick said to them, eliciting murmurs, hoots, and whistles. “I refused her terms.” This brought shouts and applause. “The moment we have long prepared for is upon us. Warriors of Shima-Shi, take your positions. The time has come for us to show our mettle. We face an army many times our size and strength. I like the odds!”
Mal-Tal approached. “The Dvi stand with you!”
Garrick grasped Mal-Tal’s striped forearm. “Thank you, my friends.”
Nobuo pointed toward the southern sky. “Winged creatures approach!”
Charlie squinted. To him, it looked like a small flock of birds. But to his surprise, Garrick’s army cheered again.
“The Hingu come!” Nobuo shouted.
Soon, even Charlie recognized them. They landed next to Garrick.
“It’s Mr. Ud!” Virgil shouted.
Ud waddled forward and bowed to Garrick. “The Hingu stand with you!” Charlie counted thirty in all.
Garrick grasped Ud’s small hand. “You are a welcome sight. What did you see from above?”
“The enemy is on the move. Did something occur to provoke them?”
“You could say that.” Then Garrick added, “How many are they?”
“They are beyond count, Lord Gar. They are many times the size of your army—or any army any of us have ever thought possible.”
“Do they surround all of Shima-Shi?”
Ud turned toward his fellow Hingu. Charlie heard strange chittering sounds. Then Ud looked at Garrick. “It appears the enemy is concentrated on the northwestern shore. They will attack with all their might from there.”
“I’m glad they’re feeling so confident,” Garrick said. “If we had to defend assaults from all directions at once, it would spread us too thin.”
Masao appeared and rushed to Garrick. “I have come from the wall-walk, Lord Gar. The enemy fleet has launched. The invasion has begun.”
End of excerpt.

Themes: War; invasion; good versus evil.

Between the lines: During a novel’s buildup to its dramatic climax, both the reader and writer are on edge. Ironically, this anticipation is what drives the reader and writer to finish.

In the case of Do You Believe in Monsters?, the climax is a long-awaited and dreaded war. But once the war begins, dread is cast aside. Anticipation gives way to adrenaline. Anxiety is mowed down by nerves of steel.

Storytellers know this via training but also instinct.

Writing tips: Writing battle scenes isn’t easy, especially if the author plans on extending the battle beyond just a few pages. The part of the battle where all hell breaks loose and ends in victory or defeat can often be surprisingly short. Even the main portion of Tolkien’s famous Battle of Pelennor Fields only lasted about a dozen pages. So if you’re planning on writing about a battle that goes on for 30 pages or more, then you’ll have to pull out a bag of tricks.

Use multiple points of view: By switching perspectives, you can describe a variety of fight scenes in different locations without becoming repetitive. Character A, a real bad-ass, can take out twenty monsters at the top of the wall-walk; while Character B, a good-hearted wimp, can spend 4-5 pages running from a monster and then getting lucky when the monster trips and falls on its own sword.
Go large, go small: Battle scenes usually contain descriptions of thousands of soldiers squaring off in a massive arena, but writers also need to blend in tighter scenes involving individual combatants going toe-to-toe.
Be smart with dialogue: Battles have ebbs and flows. It’s fine to incorporate dialogue during the ebbs, but use it sparingly during the flows. And if your characters are talking to each other during the heights of battle, make sure it’s clear they’re having to scream their heads off to be heard by others.
Go heavy on sensory details: Now is the time to load up on sights, sounds, smells, textures, emotions, colors, etc. Don’t hesitate to lay it on thick.
Short sentences and paragraphs: You’re aiming for fast-paced intensity, so using short sentences and paragraphs will help create a sense of tension and urgency.

These are just five tips. There are many more, of course. Please feel free to share your own thoughts.

Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)

Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)

**Available for preorder on April 14. Going live on April 21.**

Promotional notes

I was recently featured on the podcast “A Tiny Homestead.” If you’re interested in learning more about me and my writing, please listen here.

I recently finished the sixth revision of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles?. This was the revision where I read the entire book out loud. I now have one quick revision to go before I send the book to my editor and beta readers. I’m aiming for an April 21 release, with preorders starting on April 14. My subscribers will be able to preorder the ebook version of book 3 at a special discount. I’ll alert you when the time comes. 😀

The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.

All told, more than 8,450 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with an additional 42,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.

Jim Melvin's Realms of Fantasy

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