Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 13 | Book 3)

The 14th excerpt (including Prologue) from "Do You Believe in Miracles?"

Aug 23, 2024

Each Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Miracles? (book 3). I will also break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I will include writing tips. Previously, I did the same for Do You Believe in Magic? (book 1) and Do You Believe in Monsters? (book 2).

Though my series is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 — and many who are a lot older than 13 — are enjoying it.

Here is a brief synopsis of the series: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 13 of book 3. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: Charlie and his friends explore a thriving seaside market in the city of Nila.

A group of boats sitting next to each other under a tent — Photo by Robert-Razvan B. on Unsplash

CHAPTER 13 — THE MARKET OF NILA
Charlie woke the next morning feeling uneasy.
The night before, one of the male advisors had led him and the others from the baron’s parlor onto the mansion’s back patio where they found Zola and Hunying sitting with the baroness and a female advisor.
Garrick asked why Kate wasn’t there, and the female advisor led him and Sahoota away. Charlie, his dad, and Azura then listened to Zola describe what had happened on the beach, including the magical necklace being locked around Amanussa’s neck and the bracelet around Kate’s wrist. His dad took particular interest in this.
“Marie, you know as well as I that you could not have conjured these talismans without help. Who was your guide?”
“I am not at liberty to say.”
“Why all the secrecy?” Azura said. “I have never known you to be so evasive.”
“I can say that the aid did not come from the Niddukk or any of his minions, including Amanussa.”
His dad shrugged. “This reeks of your grandfather to me,” he said to Charlie.
After that, they all returned to their rooms. Charlie slept without dreams and woke wondering if the Niddukk was so weakened he might never haunt him again. He hoped so, but a part of him knew it was a fool’s hope.
During breakfast, Kate sat between Amanussa and Garrick. Amanussa was again a grown woman, only now she was flawlessly beautiful. Charlie got his first look at the necklace and bracelet. Neither Kate nor Amanussa spoke. Kate looked sullen, and Amanussa bored. They both ate little. Was Kate already regretting her choice to become the demon’s new guardian? The morning was starting out on the wrong foot. Maybe their upcoming visit to the market would change things for the better.
Virgil and Meitei were also at the breakfast. Virgil seemed rested and cheerful, while Meitei was as gloomy as Kate. Meitei did his best not to look in Amanussa’s direction.
One person was noticeably missing. The baron did not join Charlie and the others at the morning meal.
“He woke not feeling well, which I find odd because he has a strong constitution,” the baroness said. “My husband sends his regrets and has asked me and our captain of the guard to be your escorts today. We patrol the market heavily, so safety is not a concern. My hope is we will have a delightful time! The sights, sounds, and aromas are stimulating, especially to those who visit for the first time.”
“There’s lots of great food?” Virgil asked hopefully.
“You just ate a big breakfast,” Zola said. “How can you already be thinking about eating again?”
“I’m a growing boy.” Then he flexed his biceps.
Zola threw up her hands. “I guess there are worse obsessions than food.”
Charlie couldn’t help but chuckle. Even Garrick laughed a little, then he turned to the baroness. “Have you heard anything from our other friends who’re staying in the city? Will we see them at the market?”
“I have heard nothing,” Marie said. “But I am sure they will be there. Why would they not be?”
After breakfast, the company began its trek to the seaside market of Nila. It was a gorgeous day with clear skies and a warm ocean breeze. A gravel walkway wove through acres of grassland. Gaps in the beach grass provided stunning views of the deep-blue ocean. Charlie was thrilled when Blue and Killer joined them. He reached up and gave his white lab a hug.
“I missed you, boy,” Charlie said. “Are you and Killer being treated well?”
Blue barked once.
With the brawny dogs now leading the way, they continued toward the city. Virgil and Marie walked together and chatted cheerfully, with the four monks close behind. Zola, Charlie, and his dad came next, followed by Garrick, Kate, and Amanussa. They entered a denser part of the city. Wooden dwellings lined a narrow road paved with colorful stones. They passed storefronts, eateries, inns, and taverns. The citizens of Nila stopped what they were doing and cheered. Many ran enthusiastically to greet them, but armed guards formed a ring around them and held back the crowd. Blue and Killer pushed through the throng like bulldozers.
The road finally opened into the thriving market, which was teeming with buyers, sellers, and everyone in between. Every inch of the market appeared to serve some purpose. The company walked past hundreds of open-air stalls anchored to a massive platform that stood half over the beach and half over the shallows of the ocean. The merchants did their best to shout over each other hoping to gain the company’s attention. Young boys and girls wove through the crowd balancing bowls of cooked meat on wooden trays. A man wearing a knee-length tunic came toward them driving a herd of noisy pigs. One pig bumped into Charlie’s leg so hard he nearly fell. Blue nosed it out of the way. The pig squealed in protest but knew better than to fight back.
At the fishmongers’ stalls, hay-filled crates contained fresh mackerel, salmon, eels, crabs, and lobsters. Charlie glimpsed Virgil talking to a merchant who dropped a lobster into a pot of boiling water and then handed it to Virgil on a trencher. His friend’s green eyes went wide. Charlie wondered how he had paid for it.
“Your coin is no good here,” Marie said to Charlie as if reading his mind. “You are guests of the baron. The merchants will want to make a good impression.”
End of excerpt.

Themes: Distrust; mystery; exploration; respite.

Between the lines: My wife and I have been married for more than 30 years, and like most couples in a decades-long relationship, we can pretty much finish each other’s sentences. We can also glean a lot (probably too much) from our facial expressions. It’s almost equivalent to being able to read each other’s minds.

Something similar occurs with characters in a novel or series. But in this case, it’s not an interaction between spouses but rather between characters and readers. Here’s a small example: Let’s say one of your characters is terrified of spiders. The first time this character shrieks at the sight of a spider, the author will usually insert some sort of explanation for this over-sized fear. But hundreds of pages down the road, the reader will know the character more intimately and won’t need to see the explanation again the next time a spider shows up. In fact, repeating it will probably annoy the reader.

Novelists have to remain aware of this and even use it to their advantage. For instance, I’ve long been aware that my wife has a fear of heights, so I don’t need her to remind me of this when I see her freeze on the second rung of a ladder. (Which always cracks me up. 🤣) But if she were a character in one of my novels, this long-held knowledge could be the building block for a climactic scene that would create an aha moment for the reader who now knows the character so well.

Writing tips: I doubt any authors out there will be surprised to hear this, but I have had professional reviewers say that I use too much description in my scenes while others say I use too little. One person said I use too much and too little in the same review!

So, what to do?

This is a topic that confounds a lot of writers, and cliched concepts such as “info-dump” make it even more confusing.

To me, the use of description is less about the writer and more about the reader. For instance, George R.R. Martin incorporates endless pages of incredibly dense description in his books. Some readers like it, some don’t. My guess is, George will continue to write this way because he has sold more than 90 million books by loyally sticking with his style.

So, fellow authors, my advice is to quit worrying about it, trust your talent, and write it the way you think is best. The reader is the ultimate judge, but there’s no pleasing everyone, so you might as well please yourself and let that be good enough.

Past episodes of Book 3 (Do You Believe in Miracles?)

Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)

Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)

The free promotion for the ebook version of Do You Believe in Magic? ends today at midnight (PDT). Books 2 and 3 are also discounted. So grab your copies before it’s too late, leave 5-star reviews, and also come over and wash my Subaru. (I know, we authors can be a little pushy. 🤣)

Promotional notes

Dark Circles is appropriate for ages 13 and older, but readers as young as 10 and as old as 80 have told me they loved it — sort of like the Harry Potter series or C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia. All three books of my series are now available in four formats: ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook. This heartfelt coming of age series has won ten international awards.

Do You Believe in Magic? has been included in Amazon’s Prime Reading program from June 1, 2024 through Aug. 31, 2024. If you are a Prime member, you can read the book for free.

DARK CIRCLES
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25, 2023)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30, 2023)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (debuted April 21, 2024)

All told, more than 25,000 copies of books 1-3 have been downloaded, with an additional 94,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP).

Jim Melvin's Realms of Fantasy

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