Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 19 | Book 2)
The 20th excerpt (including prologue) from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"
Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.
DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (coming April 21, 2024; preorder on April 14)
Though both books are appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying my series.
Here is a brief synopsis of book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 19 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: The bully Gord has been captured and imprisoned, but Charlie isn’t through with him yet.
CHAPTER 19 | THE HEALING
Charlie had once again amazed her.
When the swarm of vampires fell upon them, Zola felt like a ninja taking on fifty assailants at once. Using only her hands and feet, she fought off dozens of the monsters. But for each one she dropped, there were two more to replace it. If not for Charlie, she would have lasted only a few minutes.
What he did to the swarm of vampires was astounding enough. But scaring off Amanussa and weakening Gord was even more incredible. Amanussa alone was more powerful than anything she could handle. Yet Charlie had faced the demon without hesitation.
Why Mal-Tal and Ud continued to think Zola would play any role of significance was beyond her comprehension. She hated to admit there was a part of her that was jealous of Charlie. She wished she could command magic capable of scaring off thousands of vampires.
But another part of her wasn’t jealous. Of all among them, Charlie had the largest target on his back. If the Niddukk made an appearance, he would come after Charlie first. People like her would most likely be ignored. It’s not like she could destroy the Niddukk by kicking him in the shin.
While she sat next to Charlie in the pavilion, she glanced frequently at the sky. A part of her expected the vampires to return with even more vehemence.
A female monk approached—the one named Hunying whom Zola had first met in Karenu—and whispered something in Azura’s ear. Whatever she said alarmed the grand master, who stood quickly and turned to Garrick and Charlie.
“The creature we have imprisoned begs to speak to Lord Charlie,” Azura said. “He seems to be in enormous pain and claims only Lord Charlie can heal him. His behavior has alarmed Hunying and the other monks. They do not believe the creature is pretending.”
“This is too dangerous,” Garrick said. “Even if Gord isn’t faking, we can’t risk it. What if Amanussa attacks while Charlie is with the prisoner? This might even be her plan.”
Zola felt less important than ever, but she still chose to speak up. “I agree with Garrick. I’ve known this creature, as you call him, far longer than I care to remember. He has been nothing but a bully and a liar since the first day I was unlucky enough to lay eyes on him. I know this is a hateful thing to say but Gord, as we call him, has caused pain to me and others countless times. If anyone deserves to suffer, it’s him.”
“Where is Gord being held?” Charlie said to Hunying.
“Charlie!” Zola said. “You’re not thinking of going to him?”
“Blue converted Killer. Maybe I can convert Gord. Imagine all the things he must know about Amanussa and the Niddukk. And also about the army we’re facing.”
“What if it’s a trick? Which it most likely is!” Zola said. “Charlie, it’s not worth it.”
“Even if it’s a trick,” Charlie said, “it doesn’t mean the trick will work.”
“Let me talk to him,” Virgil growled. “I’ll convert him from a monster into a pile of mush!”
Garrick hushed Zola and Virgil. This annoyed her, but he was the general or king or whatever, so she supposed he had the right to shush people.
“Our worst vulnerability might be how little we know about the enemy,” Garrick said. “Charlie has convinced me this is worth attempting. But I don’t think he should go there alone. Zola and Virgil should join him. And Sahoota, as well.” He turned to Charlie. “Go now! But don’t linger. If Gord doesn’t convert quickly, then consider it a lost cause and return to the battlefield.”
Garrick’s command surprised Zola, but it also pleased her. If she and Virgil could stand by Charlie’s side, then it made sense to see what might happen. Who knew Gord better than the two kids he had picked on since elementary school?
End of excerpt.
Themes: Regret, pity, empathy, forgiveness.
Between the lines: What does “between the lines” really mean? Is it just a bunch of gobbledygook made up by writers who are way too full of themselves? Or is there some value to it?
If I were teaching a creative writing class and a student asked these questions, here is how I would answer them:
Writers are like carpenters with well-stocked toolboxes, but instead of hammers, saws, and power drills, writers use tools such as theme, symbolism, allegory, imagery, irony, paradox, foreshadowing, metaphor, analogy—and the list goes on.
The trick is to know when, where, and how to use these tools. Returning to the carpenter analogy, you don’t want to use a nail when you should use a screw. And a seasoned carpenter knows exactly when to use each tool for maximum benefit.
“Between the lines” means that writers use literary tools at the right time and place. Free-styling is fun and can lead to lovely passages, but the real depth comes when writers know when to use each tool for maximum benefit.
Writing tips: If you’re like me and tend to write crappy first drafts that are whipped into shape during the revision process, then it’s okay to mostly free-style through the first draft as long as you open your toolbox for subsequent revisions. An excellent example of this is foreshadowing. I suggest not paying much attention to this device until you begin to revise. That way, you’ll know exactly what it is you’re foreshadowing and won’t toss in hints that don’t come to fruition later on.
Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18
Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue
Promotional notes
I have finished the final revision of book 3 titled Do You Believe in Miracles? and have sent it to my awesome editor and beta readers. The book will go live on Sunday (April 21) with preorders starting on April 14.
The week of April 14, the ebook version of Do You Believe in Miracles? will be available via preorder for 99 cents only to my subscribers. I’ll remind you on the day the preorders become active. 😀
The week of April 21, the ebook versions of book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?) and book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?) will be on free promotion.
The ebook and paperback versions of books 1 and 2 can be purchased at this link.
All told, more than 8,450 copies of books 1 and 2 have been purchased, with an additional 42,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.