Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 23 | Book 2)

The 24th excerpt (including prologue) from "Do You Believe in Monsters?"

Apr 26, 2024

Every Friday, I’ll send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Monsters?. Then I’ll break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I’ll include writing tips.

DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (debuted April 21, 2024)

Though my series is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13—and many who are a lot older than 13—are enjoying it.

Here is a brief synopsis of book 2: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 23 of book 2. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: Gord is captured by the Niddukk.

CHAPTER 23 | CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
Gord lay on the damp stone.
His head was tucked between his legs. He didn’t know where he was, but he felt cold and miserable. Just when he thought he had—for the first time in his life—joined the good guys, the Niddukk had ripped him away. He should have known better. He would have been better off sticking with his own kind. It was a nasty way to live. But it was a way to stay alive. Now that he had turned traitor, it was only a matter of time before a lot of horrible things happened to him.
The Niddukk was there. Gord could sense him. The pale man lay chained at the monster’s feet. But the Kuutar was gone. Gord wasn’t sure why that might be. Had they killed it in the war? Gord found it difficult to believe. Not even Charlie had that kind of power, did he?
“Rise.”
What?
“Rise, Gord the Great.”
“I don’t understand … my liege.”
“Rise … and face me.”
Gord knew doom awaited him. The Niddukk was about to punish him in unimaginable ways. But it wasn’t like he could run. If the Niddukk commanded him to rise, he would have to rise.
Still, it took him quite a while to get up on his knees and even longer to muster the strength to stand.
“Gord the Great!” the Niddukk boomed. “I am so proud of you.”
The man beneath the monster moaned.
Gord ignored it. He could only focus on the Niddukk.
“My liege, it wasn’t my fault ... they captured me … and then … they tortured me! I had to do what they said—”
“SILENCE!!!”
The pale man cried out in response. “Charlie, is that you?”
Gord returned to his knees. He had experienced pain many times in his life, but the pain he expected to feel now would dwarf all other. The Niddukk was about to flay him.
But then, he didn’t.
“You must understand something,” the Niddukk said, his voice loud but also eerily calm. “Nothing you do or say means anything. Everything you do, every choice you make, is because of me. Do you believe you have betrayed me? Nonsense! I would not permit it. Nay. You have not betrayed me. You have done everything I have asked of you and more.”
Gord struggled to his feet again. “You’re not angry with me, my liege?”
This caused the Niddukk to burst into laughter. It was so loud the stone walls of the chamber cracked. Gord covered his ears and screamed. The pain was intense. But the Niddukk regained his composure, and the room grew silent.
“Gord the Great. Do you know what this title means?”
“My liege?”
“When I call you Gord the Great, what does it mean?”
“Uh … it means … that I am … great?”
“YES!!!” The stone chamber quivered again.
“My liege, I am honored. But—”
“SILENCE!!!”
Gord bowed his head and trembled.
“You are a broken boy, a pathetic boy,” the Niddukk sad. “But I shall make you into something else, something so large and terrible that even your vaunted Lord Charlie shall tremble at the sight of you.”
The small figure huddled at the Niddukk’s feet spoke again. “Charlie, don’t listen to him.”
There was a screaming cry of pain. Punishment for heresy.
“It’s not Charlie, you fool!” the Niddukk said. “Are you blind and dumb?”
Gord shivered. This is where the terrible stuff happens. And he was right. Not even Charlie could save him from this.
End of excerpt.

Themes: Punishment; helplessness; karma.

Between the lines: Writers of horror, mystery, and fantasy are especially fond of using a narrative tool called disorientation, where a character or characters are experiencing a disconcerting sense of confusion and loss. How is this done? By subverting the narrative to create puzzlement in the minds of your readers.

Here is an example from a section of Do You Believe in Monsters? where the character Gord has suffered a concussion and is unaware of where he is and is wandering aimlessly:

At least he was out of the road. Now he was walking up a slippery mountain path. He almost fell several times but somehow kept his footing. He finally reached the top where could see a forest in the distance. Maybe going there wasn’t a good idea. Maybe he should try to find the road again and flag down a car. Maybe he should puke.
He did. Several times.
Now he was in the woods. The path, if you could call it a path, was choked with roots and barbwire-like vines. He was probably headed into a vast wilderness where he would die of starvation. At least he wouldn’t die of thirst. Or from being run over by a truck.
A glowing ring appeared before him, as unreal as everything else. He tried to walk around it but found he could not. The ring drew him toward it. And then into it.
This was the end of his life. A truck had hit him, and he was now walking into hell to get his comeuppance.

Confused? Good. That is the purpose of disorientation. And aren’t you starting to feel a little sorry for Gord? Which leads to my writing tip …

Writing tips: Typically, readers will root for good guys and against bad guys. But that’s not always the case. When bad guys are put into situations even more horrendous than they deserve, the reader’s feelings about the character will often change.

Experienced writers know this and use it to their advantage.

Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)

Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)

Promotional notes

Hi everyone!

I wrote the first words of Do You Believe in Magic? in February 2023. Fourteen months later, the epic saga is complete. Do You Believe in Miracles? made its debut on Sunday, April 21.

Dark Circles is a teen fantasy adventure series appropriate for ages 13 and older, though readers as young as 10 and as old as 80 have told me they loved it—sort of like the Harry Potter series.

I celebrated the debut of Book 3 by making the ebook versions of Do You Believe in Magic? and Do You Believe in Monsters? free on April 21-25. During the five-day period which ended last night, 8,574 copies of the series were purchased.

DARK CIRCLES (teen fantasy adventure series)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25, 2023)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30, 2023)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (debuted April 21, 2024)

All three books of the series are now available in four formats: ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook.

This heartfelt coming of age series has won multiple awards:

First-place winner in the Firebird Book Award contest in Fantasy.
First-place winner in Firebird in Coming of Age.
Second-place winner in Firebird in Action and Adventure.
Gold winner in the International Impact Book Awards contest in Fantasy.
Gold winner of the Literary Titan Book Award in Fantasy.
Gold winner of The Bookfest Award contest in Teen Action and Adventure.
Silver winner in Bookfest in Fantasy Series.

All told, more than 17,000 copies of books 1 and 2 have been downloaded, with an additional 47,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP). Like all self-published authors, I’m still hoping for more ratings and reviews.

Jim Melvin's Realms of Fantasy

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