Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 10 | Book 3)
The 11th excerpt (including Prologue) from "Do You Believe in Miracles?"
Each Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Miracles? (book 3). I will also break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I will include writing tips. Previously, I did the same for Do You Believe in Magic? (book 1) and Do You Believe in Monsters? (book 2).
Though my series is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 — and many who are a lot older than 13 — are enjoying it.
Here is a brief synopsis of the series: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.
Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 10 of book 3. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.
Context: Gord has been returned to human form, and he lies in one of the Niddukk’s clammy chambers deep beneath the volcano Kar Pathu.
CHAPTER 10 — GORD AND THE GHOULS
Gord couldn’t stop shivering.
He lay naked on a stone pallet in a clammy chamber. He didn’t even have a blanket, and though the room wasn’t particularly cold, the oily dampness seemed to soak into his skin. Gord struggled to open his eyes and examine his surroundings. Several vampires skittered around the room, but there was no purpose to their movements. When he sat up, they hissed and rushed away. The only other thing in the room besides his crude bed was a flickering torch that had seen better days.
Gord was so weak he could barely remain upright. His head spun but he fought it off. It would not be good to pass out and bang his skull against the stone. If he did that, he might never wake up again.
He swung his legs around and tried to stand, but even this slight exertion was too much for him, so he placed his face in his hands, rested his elbows on his knees, and sat like this for a long time.
I must look like that famous sculpture they told us about in school. What was it called? The Thinker?
This made him chuckle, though there was no pleasure in the sound.
Yeah, right. Like anyone will ever accuse me of thinking.
Gord heard a scraping sound and looked up. A huge white creature entered the room and rose to its full height, its boulder-sized head almost touching the ceiling. It was man-shaped but not humanlike in most other ways, and it glared at him with fiery eyes. Gord couldn’t gauge its expression. Was it angry? Had it come to finish him?
It placed a three-fingered hand on top of Gord’s head.
This is when it’s going to squash me.
But the creature didn’t squash him. Instead, it willed magic into his mind. Gord’s thoughts cleared, and he felt renewed. But he knew then that he needed more than the creature’s magic. Some good old-fashioned water and food would do just fine. No amount of magic could keep him alive without those necessities.
Did the beast understand this? Gord wasn’t sure, but he didn’t think so.
With sudden quickness, it picked up Gord and pressed him face-first against its pale chest. The beast’s hide was disgusting, reminding Gord of chicken skin left in the sun to rot. He gagged, but there was nothing in his stomach to throw up. The creature didn’t seem to notice any of this. It crouched down and squeezed through the doorway, practically suffocating Gord. Then it started down a hallway barely large and tall enough to accommodate its bulk.
Gord twisted his head around to see some of what was in front of him. Vampires clung to the ceiling and walls, squeezing flat against the stone to give the beast room.
Where are you taking me? I guess you’re not planning on killing me. Maybe you’ve arranged a feast in my honor. That would be great as long as I’m not dinner.
End of excerpt.
Themes: Walking a fine line; deal with the devil; unlikely ascension.
Between the lines: Writers choose their words carefully. Very few of us are perfect, but we do our best, which is often quite good. I’m not sure how most readers would describe my style of writing (which I purposely simplified in this series to accommodate my younger readers), but it’s clear I’m a fan of provocative adjectives and verbs (see bolded words in today’s excerpt). If a writer is not too blatant, these word choices will send subliminal messages to readers that in turn will evoke emotional responses — happiness, hope, fear, despair, etc. The words enter readers’ minds at the surface and then sink into their subconscious. When you hear people say that a book “stuck with them” long after they finished it, this is the reason why.
Writing tips: Using relatively large blocks of italics in place of quote marks can be trickier than it might seem. Writers often use this technique when a character is thinking rather than speaking, as I did in today’s excerpt. To me, it can become conflictual when a character’s spoken dialogue and unspoken thoughts are mixed together in the same segment. If so, writers need to be careful to get it just right. Otherwise, it will create confusion.
Another thing to consider is the role point of view plays in this. If your POV is limited to one character (as it should be most of the time, IMO), then the italics need to be confined to that character and not spread around to others. Am I stating the obvious? In this case, the more obvious you make it the better.
Past episodes of Book 3 (Do You Believe in Miracles?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9
Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24 | Chapter 25 | Epilogue
Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue
Promotional notes
My teen fantasy adventure series Dark Circles is the winner of Best Book Series in the 2024 LitStar Book Awards (watch very cool video). Meanwhile, Do You Believe in Magic? is one of six finalists in Fantasy in the Killer Nashville Silver Falchion Awards; the top winners in each category of Killer Nashville will be announced in a few weeks. Both contests received hundreds of entries.
Dark Circles is appropriate for ages 13 and older, but readers as young as 10 and as old as 80 have told me they loved it — sort of like the Harry Potter series or C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia. All three books of my series are now available in four formats: ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook. This heartfelt coming of age series has won ten international awards.
Do You Believe in Magic? has been included in Amazon’s Prime Reading program from June 1, 2024 through Aug. 31, 2024. If you are a Prime member, you can read the book for free.
DARK CIRCLES
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25, 2023)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30, 2023)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (debuted April 21, 2024)
All told, more than 23,000 copies of books 1-3 have been downloaded, with an additional 88,000 pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP).
Hi Zane! As good as you are, you don't need my advice. 😀 But as for the POV question, I meant one POV chapters or even segments within chapters. My series has at least a dozen characters who take the stage at one time or another. I will say, though, that books that are written with only one POV total always intrigue me.
Another great post, that tempts to go back to beginning and start compiling your tips.
I had to skip the chapter scenes to avoid spoilers because I've got Book 3 scheduled for when I finish the Belgariad.
With your comment on POV, do mean one pov books or one pov chapters? I'm for the latter but I was curious if you think books should so tightly centre around one perspective.