Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 16 | Book 3)

The 17th excerpt (including Prologue) from "Do You Believe in Miracles?"

Sep 13, 2024

Each Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Miracles? (book 3). I will also break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I will include writing tips. Previously, I did the same for Do You Believe in Magic? (book 1) and Do You Believe in Monsters? (book 2).

Though my series is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 — and many who are a lot older than 13 — are enjoying it.

Here is a brief synopsis of the series: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 16 of book 3. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: Charlie’s mom Mary makes a miraculous recovery from her illness, but then she receives disturbing news.

CHAPTER 16 — MARY’S MIRACLE
It happened so fast.
Sometime during the night, Mary sat up in her hospital bed and screamed. A nurse entered the room and rushed to her bedside.
“What’s wrong, Mary?” the nurse said worriedly. “Are you in pain?”
At first, Mary didn’t respond. She felt paralyzed. The nurse checked the devices monitoring her vitals. Mary turned her head and could see that her blood pressure and heart rate were a little high but nothing life-threatening.
“A doctor will be here soon,” the nurse said, taking her hand. “Lie back and try to stay calm. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“I … I …” Mary mumbled.
A doctor entered the room, one Mary had not seen before. He glanced quickly at Mary’s chart.
“I was told that you cried out, but you seem to be okay now,” the doctor said. “Did you have a nightmare? Tell me how you feel.”
“I feel … great! And I’m hungry.”
The first person to visit Mary the next morning was her family doctor. She asked Mary a lot of questions. It was clear the fast recovery baffled her.
“I’ve seen nothing quite like this. But I’m still waiting on the results of your blood workup before I become too hopeful.”
Mary, meanwhile, was chowing down on her second breakfast. Even the bland hospital food tasted great.
“Tell me how you feel,” the doctor said for at least the fifth time.
“Fantastic! The best I’ve felt in … well … years. Have you called my parents yet? I want to check out of here.”
“Not so fast,” the doctor said. “You’ll need to remain here a few more days to make certain you don’t have a recurrence of whatever was wrong with you. I’m not saying that to scare you. I’m pleased you’re feeling so much better, but we need to be cautious. You were very ill, Mary. And we still don’t know what was causing it.”
Mary knew what had been causing it. And her feeling so much better was a sign Charlie must have killed the Niddukk.
Which meant her son was safe!
Charlie was safe!!!
She couldn’t wait to talk to Poppy and Mawmaw about it.
“Have you called my parents yet?” Mary repeated.
“They are on their way. But again, we need to be cautious. Checking out of here today is moving too fast.”
“Can you keep me here against my will?”
“Mary, come on,” the doctor said, trying to sound lighthearted. “It’s not like I’m running a prison here. I only want to do what’s best for you. We never found out what made you sick, and we also don’t know what made you feel better again.”
“I want to go home.”
Just then, Mawmaw and Poppy appeared. Mary’s mom gave her a crushing hug. Poppy stood off to the side.
“It’s good to see you both,” the doctor said. “Mary is feeling much better—and we’re not sure why. I’m going to go now and check on the results of the blood tests and will be back soon. Mary’s champing at the bit to go home, but I believe it’s too early for that.” Then she laughed. “While I’m gone, don’t let her sneak out of here.”
After the doctor left, the three of them were alone in the room.
“Did he do it?” Mary whispered. “Is Charlie safe? Is the nightmare over?”
Poppy’s expression caused Mary to pause. Her dad didn’t exactly look bowled over with glee.
“Not quite,” he said.
“Then why am I feeling so good? Dad, tell me what happened!”
“Now dear, don’t get yourself too worked up,” Mawmaw said. “Give your father a chance to explain.”
Mary crossed her arms and moaned. If the Niddukk was still alive and Charlie was still in danger, she didn’t know if she could bear it.
“I’m listening.”
Poppy paused as if debating how much she was ready to hear. “There are reasons you’re feeling better, Mary. Good reasons.”
“How is Charlie? Is there something you’re afraid to tell me?”
“Charlie is fine. And so are William, Zola, and Virgil.”
“Then why aren’t we celebrating?”
“Because …” Poppy looked at Mawmaw. “You tell her. She takes things like this better from you than me.”
“What is it???”
“Shhhh, dear. You don’t want the doctors and nurses rushing back in here thinking you’re in pain again.” Then Mawmaw added, “I’m going to shoot straight with you, Mary. The good news is Charlie and William almost killed the Niddukk. The bad news is the monster escaped. And now Charlie and William are on a quest to find the Niddukk and end it forever. Is that about right, Poppy?”
“Pretty much nails it.”
End of excerpt.

Themes: Recovery; fragile hope; disappointment.

Between the lines: When you are desperately waiting to receive some good news, it often becomes an emotional roller coaster of one-step-forward, two-steps-back. This happens in real life all the time, but when it happens in novels, it is usually done with a specific purpose in mind. The ups and downs encourage readers to root heavily for a happy ending, or at least an ending that contains some level of hope. In other words, it engages them and keeps them turning the page.

Writing tips: In fantasy tales where characters travel back and forth between the real world and a magical world, danger lurks around every corner. But though demons and monsters can be terrifying, there are also dangers in the real world that can be every bit as scary.

Good writers use this to their advantage by employing a plot technique called parallel structure. What’s happening in the real world cleverly mimics what’s happening in the fantasy world until both worlds finally connect at key points and meld into one plot at the end.

Past episodes of Book 3 (Do You Believe in Miracles?)

Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)

Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)

Promotional notes

If you’re a reviewer on BookSirens, Do You Believe in Magic? can be accessed at THIS LINK or by clicking on the image above.

Dark Circles is appropriate for ages 13 and older, but readers as young as 10 and as old as 80 have told me they loved it — sort of like the Harry Potter series or C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia. All three books of my series are now available in four formats: ebook, paperback, hardcover, and audiobook. This heartfelt coming of age series has won eleven international awards.

Please check out my author interview on Literary Titan.

DARK CIRCLES
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic? (debuted May 25, 2023)
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters? (debuted Oct. 30, 2023)
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles? (debuted April 21, 2024)

All told, more than 25,000 copies of books 1-3 have been downloaded, with an additional 100,000+ pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP).

Jim Melvin's Realms of Fantasy

Discussion about this post