Journey with me through a magical world (Chapter 23 | Book 3)

The 24th excerpt (including Prologue) from "Do You Believe in Miracles?"

Nov 08, 2024

Each Friday, I will send you the opening paragraphs from a chapter of Do You Believe in Miracles? (book 3). I will also break down the excerpt with comments about context, themes, and conflict. Finally, I will include writing tips. Previously, I did the same for Do You Believe in Magic? (book 1) and Do You Believe in Monsters? (book 2).

Though my series is appropriate for ages 13 and older, I’m finding that readers younger than 13 — and many who are a lot older than 13 — are enjoying it.

Here is a brief synopsis of the series: When Charlie Magus enters a fantastical world hidden deep in the forest, his life is turned upside down. The timid 13-year-old transforms into a powerful wizard wielding formidable powers.

Below are the opening paragraphs of Chapter 23 of book 3. My author’s breakdown follows this short segment.

Context: The company continues its dangerous and depressing march toward the stronghold of the enemy.

CHAPTER 23 — KAR PATHU
It was a restless night.
They were unnerved, and it wasn’t hard to figure out why. Since the battle by the lake against the Niddukk, there had been no further sign of the monster. Charlie realized what a tremendous relief it had been to not have to worry constantly about him. Most of them, Charlie included, had hoped he would disappear on his own.
No such luck. If they were going to destroy the Niddukk, they would have to do it the hard way.
Everyone appeared sluggish and depressed. Charlie had to force himself to eat a small breakfast. Even the Cloud Giants were discouraged. Chmura and Krolowa moped around the camp. There was no laughing now. At least the Felkratur seemed unaffected. They churned about in their awkward manner that appeared slow but didn’t turn out to be. They were like stubborn tortoises that never stopped moving.
As they were about to start their morning march, Chmura and Krolowa addressed the company.
“My friends, Krolowa and I have terrible news,” Chmura said. “We can no longer lead you. We do not make this decision lightly. We would like nothing more than to guide you all the way to Kar Pathu.”
Charlie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Why are you saying this now? Is it because of the dreams?”
“Our strength is waning faster than expected,” Krolowa said. “The Niddukk’s reawakening has weakened us more than we thought possible. If we do not turn back, we will fade entirely. Amanussa must lead you now. From here, she knows the way better, anyway.”
Everyone stood in stunned silence, including Blue and Killer. They knew this had to happen, but it was sooner than expected.
Virgil was the most upset of anyone. “Mr. Chmura, it’s going to be very sad to see you leave. I’m going to miss you and Mrs. Krolowa. You have been so nice to us.”
“And we will miss you too, Lord Virgil,” Chmura said. “You are more than welcome to come visit us again if fate allows.”
Virgil burst into tears. It was sad, and they would feel less safe once the Cloud Giants were gone.
“Granit and I will not leave you,” Stein said raspily.
Granit nodded in agreement, his round head grinding loudly against his thick shoulders.
“And you will be glad they are with you once you enter the catacombs,” Chmura said. “Farewell, my brave friends! Our thoughts will be with you.”
“We wish you the very best,” Krolowa added. “Please visit us again in better times than this.”
End of excerpt.

Themes: Sad farewells; foreboding; exhaustion.

Between the lines: Depending on which side of the aisle you’re on, this week’s election results left you feeling exhilarated or broken-hearted. But I think that both sides are happy it’s over. The 2024 presidential election wore on me for months. I couldn’t have taken much more.

The buildup to a climactic encounter with a perceived enemy can often be worse than the encounter itself. At least, when the fight starts for real, adrenaline takes over.

When this kind of buildup occurs in a fantasy novel, readers will feel the same way. Writers know this and use it as a tool to manipulate their readers’ emotions and intensify their interest, making the climactic event all the more rewarding.

Writing tips: Is it a good idea to use italics to place emphasis on a word?

Here is an example from today’s excerpt:

Virgil burst into tears. It [was] sad, and they would feel less safe once the Cloud Giants were gone.

In my opinion, italicizing the word “was” worked in this instance. Assuming you agree with me, you might ask how a writer knows when it’s appropriate to do this. I believe this use of italics needs to pass the read-out-loud test. If you find yourself placing emphasis with your voice, then italicizing the word is the right thing to do. If not, skip it.

Past episodes of Book 3 (Do You Believe in Miracles?)

Past episodes of Book 2 (Do You Believe in Monsters?)

Past episodes of Book 1 (Do You Believe in Magic?)

Promotional notes

Do You Believe in Magic?, book 1 of my teen fantasy adventure trilogy Dark Circles, is one of five finalists in the Fantasy and Young Adult categories of the 21st Annual "Best Book" Awards, one of the world’s largest and most-established international book award programs for mainstream, indie, and self-published titles. I am the only self-published finalist in either of my categories.

Dark Circles is appropriate for ages 13 and older, but readers as young as 10 and as old as 80 have told me they loved it — sort of like the Harry Potter series or C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia. This heartfelt coming of age saga has won thirteen international awards.

DARK CIRCLES (13 and older)
Book 1: Do You Believe in Magic?
Book 2: Do You Believe in Monsters?
Book 3: Do You Believe in Miracles?

All told, 27,000+ copies of books 1-3 of Dark Circles have been purchased, with an additional 112,000+ pages read on Kindle Edition Normalized Pages (KENP).

Jim Melvin's Realms of Fantasy

Discussion about this post